Tag Archives: useful thinking

THERE ARE REASONS TO BE OPTIMISTIC

In amongst all the depressing news last week, the UN gave an award to David Attenborough – Champion of the Earth. It was a lovely recognition of all that he has done to advocate caring for our environment, and in his acceptance speech, he talked about the resurgence of whales, as an illustration of the value of continuing to campaign to reverse the damage we have previously done.

He pointed out that the population of whales had been devastated by hunting, yet now there are more than there have ever been in our lifetime.

It reminded me that we need to find reasons to be optimistic, and that things change for the better over a long period – it doesn’t happen overnight as a rule.

So, reasons to be optimistic:

  • We have all got better at recycling and re-using
  • Many have reduced their meat eating and turned to vegetarian options
  • The war in Ukraine is forcing countries to look at becoming more self-sufficient in energy, and work harder on developing green energy options
  • Younger generations are more aware of environmental concerns than most of us were when I was young
  • And on a different note, our governments may not be good, but their behaviour is now exposed for all to know

And I know there are more!

So let’s keep doing what we can to keep these trends going, and encourage others to do the same, because change for the better does happen.

When so many dire things are happening right now, it’s vital to find reasons to be optimistic.

IT’S ALL WRONG – WHAT CAN I DO?

Everywhere we look at the moment, things are going wrong: the war in Ukraine; climate change; the continuing spread of Covid; the problems with the NHS and many other institutions; the supply chains; the mess called our government; the rising cost of living – not to mention all those other things we all have to deal with in our everyday lives, whether it be illness in our families or failing to get hold of someone on the phone, etc, etc.

Distress, upset, delays, frustrations, doom-laden predictions – they seem to have become part of everyone’s life. It can leave us feeling powerless and miserable. And that doesn’t help.

So what can I do?

Well, it’s the actions of people that change the world, for better or worse, so I have decided to do something each day that makes a small positive difference, hoping that they all add up to something that helps.

At the macro-level, I can write to my MP, I can donate to a charity that is helping those who are suffering most. I can make my voice heard in protest against wrong – as Amnesty International say: one extra may be what tips the balance.

At the micro-level, I can continue to wear a mask in crowded places, I can ensure that I recycle as much as possible, use less plastic, waste less food. I can live my life as ethically, ecologically and caringly as I can.

At an interpersonal level, I can listen to and sympathise with other people’s issues and frustrations, without judgement or interruption, allowing them to express their frustrations so they don’t just go round and round in their heads.

At a personal level, I can tackle one of those frustrations at a time: keep making that phone call until I get a result or whatever it is. And I can take care of my own physical and mental health, and use things that bring me joy to lift my mood. I’m not doing all of this all of the time – that’s too much and would just send me into despair again! But if each day I do something, then at least I’m doing my bit to right all this wrong. And if we all did…

A GLIMMER OF HOPE

I’m finding it hard to be positive or optimistic at the moment – there’s so much wrong in the world.

So I’m actively looking for the glimmers of hope, to lift my mood. And when you look for those glimmers, you find them.

In the current awful situation in Ukraine, amidst the destruction and heartbreak, there are the amazing acts of kindness, generosity, and care: ordinary people responding from the heart to other ordinary people in distress.

And the level of worldwide condemnation of Putin for his behaviour is enormous, whilst remembering that it is not the Russian people who are behind all this. It is good to see that we haven’t turned them all into the ‘red under the bed’ of the past.

This is also making many governments look more seriously at the potential for developing their own renewable energy sources, to make it possible to be self-sufficient – that will help with climate change more than any agreement or promise will.

At the same time, Volodymyr Zelensky is setting an example of true leadership. He hasn’t run away – anything but – and he is proactive in asking for help and encouraging his people. (Wish we had someone like him!)

And at a simpler level, I see all the spring flowers in my garden, and the new shoots and buds on the perennials, and I am reminded that nature goes on doing its cycle, no matter what we are doing, and that it is natural for things to restart, to flourish again.

Good things are going on, big questions are being asked – our job is to support both these things, help keep them going when this particular crisis is resolved. A crisis means a crossroads, a choice point, so let’s grow the glimmers of hope, and believe that the world can be a better place. We can take the right road at this crossroads.

DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?

I’ve rarely ever won a raffle prize or a lottery – but then I don’t buy tickets for them very often either! Yet I consider myself to be lucky. Do you?

I have met some amazing people who have helped me to live my life better, and given me new perspectives on things. I have some lovely friends who liven up my life. I’ve had homes I love, with great neighbours. The jobs I’ve had have mostly been enjoyable and fulfilling. The list of the reasons I feel lucky go on and on.

Of course, there have been some periods in my life where things didn’t feel great, but as I look back, I can see how they led to life improving in some way.

I was prompted to write about this by re-reading ‘The Luck Factor’ by Richard Wiseman. He is a psychologist who did research on people who considered themselves exceptionally lucky or unlucky. His conclusion was that it mostly depends on your attitude, unsurprisingly.

The ‘lucky’ people actively followed up on possible opportunities, and used their intuition to make decisions. They also believed things would work out, so approached them in a positive way, and they were proactive in moving out of bad situations and turning them round. And, guess what, ‘unlucky’ people had the opposite approach to life – passive victims of circumstance.

So the question heading this piece is the right one – it’s all about how we feel. And feeling lucky is so much better as a way to live our lives.

So look at your life, and count all the ways in which you are lucky. Do you feel lucky now?

DON’T LET AGE DEFINE YOU

It is easy to get caught by the story that getting older means that you slow down, are bound to have things physically wrong with you, and you lose your ‘bounce’.

There may be elements of truth in this story, but it is far from a necessary reality. Of course, it is unlikely that we will become great athletes in our 60’s and 70’s, but that is true of most of us in our 20’s and 30’s!

However, there are many areas where we can excel, and use our experience of life to help us to be creative, active, interested and interesting. I read a great line the other day: “ You can age or you can decay’.

Ageing means adapting to the part of the cycle of life you are in, and making the most of it, as opposed to bemoaning the fact that you have moved on from previous stages.

There are grand advantages in getting older, in my experience. I worry less; I am able to do what I want instead of being driven by the need to earn a living and look after my family; I have a clearer perspective on things; I can experiment with finding things I enjoy doing, rather than just a list of what I should or must do; and I care less about what others think of me.

All these advantages give us the scope to develop and shape our everyday lives to suit us better. We can bring out the best in ourselves and be the role model for ageing in a different way. It is a time in our lives when we can truly be the best of ourselves.

So don’t let age define you, don’t ‘act your age’. Be who you really are, and love this part of the cycle of life.

MAKE IT RELATIVE NOT ABSOLUTE

It’s a new year and that time when we review the last year and think about how we want this year to be. The trouble with New Year resolutions is that they tend to be absolute, i.e. they tend to be goals that we attain or, more often, fail to attain.

I don’t know about you, but, in the past, mine have tended to be pretty repetitive – same old goals, same old failing to reach them! And I’ve learnt to do it differently, in a way that makes me feel I’m making progress instead of failing. My New Year resolutions are relative.

What that means in practice is that I look at where I’m up to in how I want to be, and then ask myself:

‘What would I prefer to do more of, or less of, or the same as, last year?’

‘Is there anything I’m ready to leave behind, or add into my life, to make it how I want it to be?’

It’s a kinder approach because I’m working on progressing to how I want to be, not how I should be, and I don’t specify how much, just some progress. It also allows for where I am now, so it isn’t a pressure to make radical change, it’s a refinement to make my life a bit better, in ways I’m ready for.

So this year, set some resolutions that are about some more of this, and less of that; ones that add in a bit of new, and leave behind a bit of old that is no longer right for you. Make them something you look forward to, rather than fail at.

Happy New Year!

YOUR INTELLIGENCE

 I was clever as a child. It meant that I did well in tests and exams, teachers liked me, and I was seen as destined for ‘great things’. Then I went to university and studied a mixture of subjects. One day, when I was debating with my tutor about the beliefs that influenced Dicken’s writings, he turned round to me and said, ‘The trouble with you is that you are intelligent rather than clever!’ Up till then I had thought that clever and intelligent were the same thing, but now I had to check it out.. I concluded that I would rather be intelligent, even though it might not lead to the ‘great things’ predicted for me.

This sounds boatsful, but it was a big turning point for me. Up till then I’d believed the hype that some people were bright, and some people were stupid, and most fall in between. But exams and grades don’t measure intelligence – they mostly measure rational understanding and memory.

Intelligence is the ability to see connections between different things, to make decisions based on a blend of feelings and thought, to take account of the wider context. I see it as a mixture of common sense and creativity. And it may not be intellectual. – we do now talk about emotional intelligence for example.

I believe strongly that we are all intelligent in some ways. It is our inherent way of assessing things. But formal education tends not to help us explore our own version of intelligence – in fact it may suppress it.

If you want to identify your form of intelligence, look at what you’re good at, you love doing. Can you create a great meal out of bits and pieces? Do you use colour in a different way? Have you found the way of being active that really works for you? Do you ‘know’ when someone else isn’t quite right?

All great innovation starts with intelligence – being able to see connections between apparently unrelated things. And we all have those moments of inspiration – don’t let others put you off by poo-pooing your idea. It is what makes you the unique human being that you are.

(And I am forever grateful to Krishan for encouraging my intelligence, even though he knew it would make an academic career unlikely!)

THE PATH TO POSITIVE THINKING

It’s many years since I first came across the concept of positive thinking, and I was reminded of it again recently, reading a book by Wayne Dyer. As with so many things, it’s easy to forget, and important to remember!

When we get caught in those negative cycles where our emotions make us miserable and colour everything, we are literally weakening ourselves. It affects our immune system, our physical strength, and our energy levels adversely.

On the other hand, our positive moods improve our health, our strength and our energy, which is great. The problem is, we can’t force ourselves into positivity – that just doesn’t work. Nor can we pretend everything’s okay and put on a positive face – that doesn’t have the same effect.

So what can we do when we hit the difficult times, when things upset us in some way?

Well, firstly, we can acknowledge it. When we recognise that we are feeling negative in some way, we have to step to one side of the feeling a bit, and observe it. This gives us the first step towards doing something about it.

Then we can identify whether we have a good reason for our feelings or if we have got something out of proportion. To do this, we need to weigh up the good and bad things in our lives, or our behaviour, or that of others.

For example, I may be miserable because I have a stinking cold, but when I consider it, it’s not my usual state – I’m relatively healthy – and it won’t last for long. Or I may feel bad because I snapped at someone unnecessarily, but this isn’t my habitual behaviour with them or anybody else, and I can just say sorry. Or someone may have been unpleasant with me, but they are not someone whom I count as a close friend, so sod them! These are all examples of getting it out of proportion, and we can reduce their effect just by noticing.

On the other hand, we may realise that there is something which we have been pushing to one side in our thoughts, yet which does have a negative effect on our lives. Examples might be: we’ve gradually developed bad eating habits, or we’ve become rather critical of others, or that friend or relative is always putting us down. In these cases, we need to do something about it.

Firstly, we need to imagine how we will be when this is no longer part of the story. It’s not enough to go: ‘I’d be feeling better without this.’ We need to make it a really good picture with lots of ideas about how it would have a better effect on us, on our relationships, our energy and our actions – all the knock-on positive effects. This gives us a compelling reason to make a move.

Often we haven’t tackled it because it looked too big or difficult to handle. If this is the case, we need to identify some simple small first steps we can take towards rectifying it. For example, I may decide to make my own fresh healthy dinner once a week, or buy one less chocolate bar. Then we can feel a sense of achievement, however small. This leads on to another small step, and helps us to gradually work our way through the issue.

Sometimes what we really need, in order to do something about the negative effect, is an ally – someone to encourage us, praise us for the small steps we make, someone to help us keep going. This is why people go to that gym session or painting class with a friend. And most people love playing this role of ally – it’s positive for them too.

Life is too valuable to waste on negativity. You are too! If something is bringing you down, it’s time to turn it around, and make your life feel good again.

AS YE SOW, SO SHALL YE REAP

I was picking beans and tomatoes yesterday. I have had a good harvest, although there are always some things that don’t work, and some that I forget to pick until they’re past their best.

As I was doing it, I was thinking about the biblical quote I’ve put as the title. It’s a useful analogy in many ways.

Firstly, it’s about the process of sowing. As any gardener knows, you put care into the sowing of seeds and nurturing of young plants, with the knowledge that not all of them will grow and thrive. It doesn’t matter, you still do it, and have another go if it doesn’t work. Similarly, we do kind things and treat others well without the expectation of reward.

Then we have the process of growing to fruition. It takes a long time with most plants, and requires attention: watering, weeding etc. Again, our relationships are built when we make the effort to keep in touch, show care.

And the harvest is a lovely reward. We are given something delicious which delights us. It’s not guaranteed, so it always feels special when it happens. And when it doesn’t, we shrug our shoulders, and say we’ll have another go next year, and maybe try a different approach. Or else we conclude that our soil is just not right for that particular plant and take it off our ‘menu’. Doesn’t that sound like what happens with relationships as well?

Of course, if I’d chosen to sow weeds, or even just let them run riot, it would be a different matter. They spread like mad, and use up all the goodness in the soil, starving the other plants, and I would have very little harvest at all. Again, being neglectful of our relationship with others, or scattering our negativity around us is a great way to kill off any fondness people may have for us!

And for me, one of the other ways in which the analogy works so well is in the unexpected lovely bits. If you take care of your plants, nature often gives you extra treats. You find tomato plants or flowers that have seeded themselves and grown without you trying. Or something you thought had died off despite your care comes back to life the following year. Similarly, when your overall intention is to show kindness, you often receive kindness from unexpected sources or from people you thought had moved out of your life.

Now we all sow weeds sometimes, or neglect our relationships with others. Do something about it, so it doesn’t spread. And we all feel disappointed sometimes because we have made an effort and it doesn’t seem to be appreciated or reciprocated. Just let it go, and delight in the ones that do grow. Just by having the intention to care for others, we are enriching our own lives – being kind always feels good – and we also receive delightful surprises where we receive kindness we weren’t expecting.

Be aware of what you are sowing in your life, and appreciate whatever harvest you receive.

A BIT OF PEACE AND QUIET

When we were kids, I remember my mum shouting at us every so often: ‘Can I just have a bit of peace and quiet!’ We got to know that it was the warning that she was reaching the end of her tether with our noisy play, so we’d better get out of earshot.

Now I realise that it was more than that – we were just the icing on the cake, so to speak. We all need some peace and quiet, both from external stimuli, like children playing noisily, and from our internal emotions and thoughts.

Since then, the external disturbances have increased significantly. Mobile phones, tv, cars and lorries, are all much more prevalent. Once upon a time, someone walking down the road talking to themselves was a bit disturbing. Now it’s normal, and it’s loud, so that the person at the other end of the phone can hear them over everything else around them!

And 24-hour news and social media constantly bombarding us add to the stress of our own emotions and thoughts, as we try to get through our busy lives.

If we don’t stop and give ourselves a bit of peace and quiet, we become overwhelmed with all that’s going on, and can easily end up in a negative frame of mind that affects everything we do or say.

Notice that peace and quiet doesn’t mean silence. Its implication is that we can just be calm and regain perspective by having a quiet mind. We can find peace and quiet through a lovely piece of music, or by being in the garden, or a park or woodland. Sometimes reading something inspirational or gentle can have the same effect.

However you find your peace and quiet, it needs to be a vital part of your day. Just 15 minutes is enough to reset the buttons and enable you to reduce the effects of modern-day living.

Make your life a bit easier – give yourself a bit of peace and quiet.