We have become more and more polarised in the way we look at the world. We either like or dislike, hate or love, fear or look forward to, etc.

This does not reflect how the world really is: there are more shades of grey than just black or white. It limits our thinking and our reactions to circumstances and to people.

When we look honestly at most situations, our feelings are more nuanced, more ambivalent, so instead of choosing to come down on one side or the other, it is useful to allow for both. This gives us more choice and more leeway to choose a different path.

For example, I may be nervous about attempting something different, and at the same time excited about the possibilities. Similarly, I may find my first impression of somebody somewhat off-putting, and at the same time sense something I like about them.

Navigating our way through these apparent paradoxes is what makes life interesting, and is far more likely to lead to new learnings, new possibilities.

Even with Trump – a difficult one for me! – I can believe that in person he is charming, funny and considerate – just wish it showed up in his public persona as the president of the USA!

By not jumping to conclusions, on one side or the other, we can enrich our lives. So next time you realise you’re running to an either/or choice, just stop a moment and see if it could more usefully be a both/and choice.