All posts by Di Kamp

WHAT’S YOUR MIND FULL OF?

Ways of Remembering,

I’ve never been very keen on the concept of mindfulness – it somehow suggests that we have to work hard to fill our minds with good stuff, whatever that is. I know it is supposed to be about quieting the busy mind, and paying full attention to whatever is right now, but it doesn’t seem to capture the spirit of a quiet mind, which can occur naturally.

There is no doubt that most of the time our minds are far too busy. I loved this quote from Jeanette Winterson: ‘Sometimes we live with a mind that is like a bar full of drunks.’ It can be noisy, argumentative, veering from one subject to another, and very annoying! Of course, we sometimes need to send all those drunks to sleep – they wear us out.

To do that, we need to develop our own techniques, the ones that work for us. This requires noticing when our minds naturally calm down, and then using these methods when the noise gets too loud.

I know that weeding the garden, listening to certain music, watching the birds feed, and doing jigsaws all work for me. What do you find works for you? Notice when your mind is quiet and make a note, so that when you need it, you can use that method again.

We never really empty our minds, but we can have our quiet moments, and we can create more quite easily, allowing ourselves a little peace.

WEEDING YOUR LIFE

Ways of Remembering,

Anyone with a garden knows that it takes no time at all for weeds to take hold, if not take over. We know that regular weeding keeps our garden as we want it, and is much easier than when those weeds are well-established.

So how about taking the same attitude to our lives? We grow weeds in our behaviours and they become habits. We grow weeds in our thinking, and they become negativity of one sort or another.

So how do we do this sort of weeding? By once a month stopping and reviewing our behaviours, our thinking patterns.

Have I started being more and more judgemental of others? Have I stopped listening to my partner? Have I started drinking more, or eating fast food  and sweet things more often?

And it’s not enough to notice, because if we are to weed them out, we need to have something good to replace them with, otherwise they will just come straight back. So we need to ask ourselves: ‘What will I put in its place?’

Similarly with our thinking. Am I taking on other people’s worries and anxieties? Am I being adversely affected by all the bad news I hear? Am I being influenced to see myself as not good enough? So instead, what will I do to help myself think about things more constructively?

Some weeds you find may be quite persistent, so you may need to be gradual in your approach to clearing them. That’s okay. It’s not a failure if they reappear. You can even get rid of bindweed in your garden if you persist!

And weeding your life, just as with your garden, will bring more joy and beauty into your life – it’s worth a little bit of time once a month.

KNOWING WHAT’S RIGHT

Ways of Remembering,

I was watching an old interview with Martin Luther King a while ago, and was struck again by his gentle presence, exuding a sense of calm.

When the interviewer pressed him on his belief in non-violent action, he simply said that it was obvious what was right and would win out in the end. When pushed again about his personal danger and the violent threats against him, he replied in a measured way that he knew what was right and preferred to live by it. He added, ‘I have cosmic support’.

Wow! The man was only 32 years old at the time, yet he clearly knew in his bones what was right. What a wonderful way to be.

And it reminded me that there are times when we all know what’s right. We don’t just rationalise it in our heads, we feel it in our bodies, in our hearts. However, we don’t always follow it because it may not fit with norms or what’s expected.

So it’s worth learning to recognise your own signals when you just know it’s right. I would describe it as everything in us being aligned, a perfect fit. Then we don’t just believe it may be the right thing to do, we know it. and we will feel calm, ready, and good afterwards.

Seems worth doing to me, even if we can’t all be like Martin Luther King.

THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS

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We have just had the summer solstice and I had a few friends round to celebrate it, with food and wine and a small ritual to mark the longest day. I love doing this because it reminds us of the natural order of things, rather than our man-made versions of time passing, things changing.

The cycle of the natural year is there as a constant reminder of how the world really works: it is cyclical, not linear. What grows also dies away, and yet new growth appears when nature says it is the right time, and repeats the cycle in a slightly different way – it is never quite the same.

Even in our own lives, there are those cycles: baby to child, adolescent to grown-up, responsible adult to more self-developing older person. Each stage has good bits and bad bits, but they all contribute to us becoming the best we can be.

We are all part of that natural world, but sadly we have learnt to disconnect ourselves: trying to stay young (but not too young) rather than growing older gracefully; striving for success rather than allowing ourselves to blossom; pushing ourselves beyond our limits rather than following our natural rhythms.

But just as we can help nurture the natural world by aiding its own rhythms, we can nurture our own natural blossoming by listening to our own inner voice, and following its wisdom.

It’s the nature of things, and it’s beautiful and joyous.

SEND AN APPRECIATIVE MESSAGE

Ways of Remembering, ,

Do you ever have those moments when someone out of the blue floats into your mind? It happens to me quite often, and I believe it has some meaning. It may be a friend or a work colleague, or a relative whom you haven’t spoken to for a while, or it may be linked to something that reminds of a kind or thoughtful thing they once did for you.

So follow that thought, and call them or send them a message. Tell them that you love them or miss them, or appreciate that gesture from a while ago. It is a really simple gift we can give to another person, and if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of such a message, you will know how lovely it is.

There aren’t enough ‘thank you’s’ and ‘I love you’s’ in the world, so add to the stock and don’t take it for granted that others know you love them , or appreciate their actions.

And you could add to this those follow-up messages: the thank you for lunch, for our conversation, for listening to me, for being my friend. My mum used to say, ‘Say thank you twice: one immediately and then again the next day’. As children, we thought this was a pain, as it was particularly applied to birthday and Christmas presents, and the second thank you had to be a letter! But she was right. It’s powerful.

The biggest regret people have as they’re dying is that they didn’t get round to telling those they care about how they feel about them. Let’s do it now, and avoid that regret.

HAVING A GO

Ways of Remembering,

We all have things in our lives that we want to do, but are not sure if we can. Rather than risk getting it wrong or making a mess of it, we tend to err on the side of caution and give up on the idea.

What a shame! It’s a missed opportunity for having a go. If those who create beautiful or useful things didn’t do it because they weren’t sure they could make it perfectly immediately, we would have no useful tools, beautiful art and culture. Everything starts with experimentation.

It may be a hobby you think you’d enjoy, or doing a bit of DIY, or trying a new recipe. Or it could be going on holiday on your own, or joining a community group to get to know more people. There are lots of things that cross our minds as possibilities to develop ourselves further practically or creatively, and there are things that would stretch us further emotionally or just as a person.

The fact that whatever it is appeals to you is a sign that it is a possibility for you. So have a go, experiment, try it out – it’s a lovely way to grow more into being you.

LOVE IS ALL

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Part of a line from an old Beatles song, but how true, when it comes down to it. Whatever else is going on, love endures. It doesn’t cost anything, it doesn’t demand anything, it just pervades even the worst of situations, if we let it.

I was reminded of this last weekend, when my son and now daughter-in-law got married.

We had a perfect day, full of lovely people, beautiful ceremony, heaps of joy and laughter. Love permeated everything and everyone was wearing it like a natural second skin.

The effect of this is that our perspective is altered. We enjoy our food more, we appreciate the beauty of flowers more, we smile more and respond more positively to everyone and everything.

And it isn’t romantic love – it is the deeper love that is a part of our nature that we sometimes forget.

At an event like that, it is easier to be aware of love’s power, but its power is in our everyday too. The meal cooked with love, the affection towards our family and friends, the kind comment even to strangers, the noticing of positivity from others, the listening to people who are having difficulties – there is nothing we do that isn’t made better by a little love.

Give it, receive it, spread it, because it really is all.

TELL THEM, SHOW THEM NOW

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I read something recently that reminded me of what really matters in this world of ours, where we get taken over by tasks and things we need to do. It was the question: ‘If you discovered that you only had an hour left to live, what would you do?’

Stop and think for a moment. You wouldn’t tidy up, or complain about the state of the world, or hurry to get to work, would you? I believe, as did the author, that we would all want to be with loved ones, or at least call them, and tell them that we love them.

It reminds us of what really matters above all else – loving and being loved.

Yet how often do we express that in our everyday lives? We are so busy getting on with life that we take it for granted that others know that we love them.

It can seem a bit soppy, even formulaic, to say “I love you’ or to give someone a hug. And sometimes they are causing us temporary irritation and that shows more than the fundamental love we feel towards them.

Hope fully we all have more than an hour to live, but that is no excuse for not bothering to say that you love someone, or not stopping to give them a hug. Both of you will feel that deep connection that underlies everything else, and have a moment of remembering what really matters.

So hug them today and tell them that you love them, and do it again and again. Then you will know, when you do reach the end of your life, that you have shown your love over and over.

THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY SOCIAL MEDIA

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There is a lot in the news recently about the harm social media can do. The concentration is on the harm to children, and rightly. Young people do not have the wherewithal to make distinctions between true and false, real and artificial, helpful and harmful. But that damage is also happening to all those adults who have become addicted to their social media feeds. In fact, feeds is an excellent description for the way social media works.

I came across a brilliant analogy for it recently: following social media is like eating ultra-processed food. It is deliberately made to be tasty, addictive, and easy to swallow. Nutrients are few and you are left wanting more. The effect on our bodies and health is disastrous.

Social media is in bite-sized, easy to swallow pieces, with the desire for more of the same built in and easily accessible. It is reduced down from a story with a context to a headline designed to grab your attention – and that is if there is any truth in it at all! It is disastrous for your mental health.

The potential of social media for good is enormous. It could help people to be more informed easily, and give us access to a bigger picture of what’s going on in the world. Instead, it is primarily geared to creating more profit for those who own the platforms, by hooking you in with its algorhythms, feeding you with momentary tastes that you will want more of.

Don’t allow it to dominate your view of the world. Look up and around, and appreciate the healthier perspectives that exist. Read, talk, look for difference not the same, and take time to enjoy life and the world we really live in.

MORE IN COMMON

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In these times of so much conflict, hatred, division, it is more important than ever to remind ourselves that we are all human beings. When will humankind recognise that we are so much more alike than different? I sometimes despair at the prejudice against people who are considered to be ‘not of our tribe’, whether that be to do with colour, creed, politics, way of dressing, or just not from here.

It would be so much easier to live with each other if instead we had a prejudice towards others who also share our emotions, our basic needs, our common humanity.

Of course, there are differences. Even with one group, there will always be those who are outside the norm for one reason or another, and there will always be what are now called ‘bad actors’ and heroes, as well as the rest of us. But the rest of us are the majority, and our differences create interest, variety, and an opportunity to learn from each other. Life would be very boring if we were all ‘Stepford wives’.

When I was younger, I moved to Birmingham, to an area which was primarily Pakistani and West Indian families. I didn’t know much about any of their cultures, and at first, I was a bit worried about how we would fit in.

What I discovered was kindness, generosity, and a great chance to expand my horizons, through learning about their worlds: their food, their traditions, their approach to life. And how much we had in common. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

We call ourselves human beings, yet we still regard some others as ‘aliens’ – not really human like us. Come on world, wake up to the fact that we all deserve to be treated as fellow human beings.