All posts by Di Kamp

IS TOTAL DESTRUCTION A DETERRENT?

Ways of Remembering,

Years ago, I was an active member of CND (Campaign for Nuclar Disarmament). The argument that having nuclear weapons was a deterrent never made sense to me.

Recently, I watched documentaries, a movie and a drama series about the creation of the nuclear bomb and Oppenheimer’s role. All of these question its effectiveness as a deterrent, and leave you horrified (as was Oppenheimer), at the monster that had been created and unleashed.

There is also a recent documentary called ‘Atomic People’, where survivors of the bombs on Japan describe what happened in horrifying and heart-breaking detail. These same people set up an anti-nuclear group and have just won the Nobel Peace Prize for it.

Where does the twisted logic come from, that says possessing these weapons of mass destruction deters others from using them on us? How can there be a competition to see which country can amass more of these terrible weapons?

If just one is unleashed, our world is changed forever – they are far more powerful now than they were in the 1940’s.

There was a brief period when there was talk of disarmament, a moment when maybe common sense would prevail. Yet it came to nothing.

It is time we stood up again and said no to spending billions on renewing weapons which we all hope will never be used, and instead spend the money on saving lives and making our world a better place to live.

It is time that one country was brave enough to take the first step and disarm their nuclear weapons, recognising that they are a threat to all our lives and our world, not a deterrent.

YOU ARE PERFECT JUST AS YOU ARE

Ways of Remembering,

Being human is a tough job. It means we have to learn to accept our own foibles, quirks and flaws, as well as our strengths, and most of us are really bad at doing both.

We learn to be modest about what we are good at, because otherwise it’s ‘boasting’ and ‘pride comes before a fall’. This tendency is exacerbated if what we’re good at seems ordinary rather than exceptional or highly valued by society. If you can make a tasty meal out of bits and pieces, if you find it easy to start a conversation with a stranger, or can out together a flat pack of something, you take it for granted, and assume others can as well. And of course, most things that we find easy, we tend to dismiss as being normal, or trivial.

Then there is that long list of things we’re not good at. I don’t remember the details of things; I can’t change a tyre; I’m terrible at drawing; I’m useless when it comes to arranging a bunch of flowers – the list goes on and on. We learn to feel bad about all the things we can’t do well, and to feel we’re not good enough.

What we don’t tend to notice is that everyone else has their own weaknesses – it’s part of being human. No-one is good at everything, and we all develop our own set of strengths. Each of us is unique.

We are all neurodivergent, with minds and bodies that work in their own individual way, easily absorbing some things and failing to take on others. And that’s okay. It makes us special.

So don’t worry or feel bad about your weaknesses. Find someone who’s good at whatever it is if you need to, and ask for help. We all like using our strengths.

And use your own strengths well. That way you can make your unique contribution to the world.

You’re a perfect huma being, just as you are.

WHAT WILL BE YOUR LEGACY?

Ways of Remembering, ,

A legacy was originally a message, delivered by a legate. It was an important communication that needed to be delivered by someone trustworthy.

Nowadays we talk of legacies as being what you leave behind for others when you are no longer with them, either because you leave that place of work or die.

If we were to revert to its original meaning, we would be more accurate, because we don’t usually talk about the wealth or possessions someone has left when they die, we talk about what their message, their impact was.

Our legacy will be what people remember about us when we are no longer there. It’s our personality traits, our effect on others that will be recalled.

Think about it for a moment. It is those who have taught you to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself and others who have given you their legacy. It is those who have encouraged you to develop the strengths you have and use them well who have given you their legacy. It is those who have shown you useful ways of making life better who have given you their legacy. It is those who have made the world a better place who have given you their legacy.

Mahatma Ghandi said, ‘My life is my message’. It is true for all of us. So make the best you can of your life, and leave a lasting, ,lovely legacy – it is priceless.

‘OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR THOUGHTS MAKE OF IT’

Ways of Remembering, , ,

Marcus Aurelius said this, centuries ago – the wisdom has always been there.

I was reminded of this recently when my back was playing up. I was sitting in my conservatory being miserable when I looked out and noticed my first zinnia flowering in my garden – a lovely red and yellow bloom. That drew my attention to all the other lovely flowers making a cheery display. Was I going to be miserable because of my back or cheered up by the beauty in my garden? My choice…

We all have our ups and downs, but often forget that we always have a choice about what we pay attention to. There is almost always a reason to be happy and a reason to be pissed off. Once we’ve decided to be pissed off, we set a mood that finds even more things wrong. It knocks any probability of enjoyment or motivation out of our minds.

But once we decide to be happy about something, however small, it resets our mind to be more constructive, to deal with problems, to find ways of cheering ourselves up. It only requires that initial choice.

Don’t let your thoughts get you down. They are only thoughts and you can choose which ones to follow and which ones to discard. Remember that, as a child, you might fall over and hurt yourself, but were quickly distracted by a toy or a hug. You are still the same person. Distract yourself from being miserable and life will soon feel better again.

INTELLECT OR INTELLIGENCE?

Ways of Remembering, ,

Last week they gave our students their A level results. Some were delighted, some were disappointed. It made me think about the distinction between intellect and intelligence.

In the western world we have a tendency to admire the clever people – those who have attained several degrees and can do complicated things within their own field. But without intelligence, intellect is not particularly useful in living your life.

Intelligence is about the ability to learn as we go, cross-relating ideas or skills from one area to another, recognising what is useful and what isn’t, reviewing and learning from mistakes and successes. It is the pathway to wisdom.

This ability is not driven by academic learning – in fact academia often limits it. We talk about people being street-wise, i.e. they have learnt how to navigate their lives well, even if they are ‘uneducated’.

It is time we recognised intelligence as the most important skill we can have, in its fullest sense. This is not the same as having what they call a high intelligence quotient (IQ). That only measures a limited segment of intelligence. It is about recognising the full range of intelligence: intellectual, logical, emotional, creative, spatial, etc.

None of us have it all, but we can all aim to enhance what we do have. And we can learn from those who have a form of intelligence we are lacking in, regardless of their academic ability.

Our system of education had become more of a system of induction, teaching people to conform. Education originally means to lead out of people their natural abilities – let’s genuinely educate ourselves.

WE CAN DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE

Ways of Remembering, ,

I simply cannot comprehend the violence and disorder in this country at the moment, calling itself protest. It has made me think about our individual behaviour when having a different point of view.

It is inevitable that we will differ in our opinions – we all have different beliefs and influences. Yet this doesn’t have to be a slanging match or worse – physical violence.

It is important to remember that this is someone’s point of view – not usually the essence of who they are. The unpleasantness comes from generalising and personalising the disagreement – moving from, ‘I don’t agree with you’ to ‘You’re stupid/wrong’.

This shift provokes defensiveness and can easily move to aggression – no-one likes being made wrong. It also means that there is no chance of an honest debate on the subject, or of having any influence on their point of view.

On the other hand, if we accept that we disagree, we may be able to both explain how we came to our point of view, and maybe influence each other in softening our line. Even if we still disagree on this particular topic, we may still be able to work together or be friends – we usually don’t disagree on everything!

Even when the disagreement is about core values – the person is homophobic or racist for example – it doesn’t benefit us in any way to be disagreeable with them.

Being disagreeable or violent is just unpleasant – it leaves everyone concerned with a nasty taste in the mouth. So yes, express your opinions, and disagree with others, but please, don’t be disagreeable.

BEING HAPPY

Ways of Remembering, , ,

“If you choose to be happy today, nothing can stop you”.

I first saw this as a sign on the door of a little café in India and it made me smile. Now I use it as a reminder that happiness does not depend on circumstances, everything being perfect, it is a state of mind we choose.

We can be aware of everything that is wrong or not good, without being drowned in the tide of pessimism which can come with that. It is a question of perspective, which we can find by asking ourselves some questions: Is this all there is? Is it forever? What can I find that makes me feel good right now? What are the gifts in my life?

This isn’t about having rose-tinted spectacles; it is a more useful way to be in the world. When we are happy, we find our way through problems or difficulties more easily. When we are happy, other people respond more positively to us. When we are happy, we remember the good things in our lives.

Our frame of mind affects everything we do. Being miserable or fed up turns everything grey or black, creates more reasons to stay in the same state of mind.

Let’s remember the good bits and colour our world more cheerfully. No-one and nothing can stop you, if you choose to be happy.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Ways of Remembering,

Those of you who know me will be aware that I am very interested in politics, and although I will confess to a bias towards the left, I do give credit where it is due – difficult to do with our previous government here in the UK, as there was very little that felt right about their approach and policies, not to mention their delivery.

We now have a new government, and immediately they have given me hope. They didn’t crow over their victory, or slam their opponents. They made small promises in their manifesto and have already started working on those things. The prime minister has made it clear from the start that his underlying intention is to unify the country rather than play partisan politics, and to regain the trust of people in the government, and he is already acting on that intention. And we are only 3 days in!

I have seen a lot of new governments in my time and none of them have impressed me as much. They have done their preparation, they are realistic and thoughtful, they are being honest – if they keep this up, we might actually have a country we can be proud of!

I will be watching – there has been no euphoria or honeymoon period, but the question is: can they maintain their honest and action-oriented approach in the face of all they have to deal with – let’s see…

Meanwhile I am glad to have some optimism restored, finally!

WHO DO YOU FIND INSPIRATIONAL?

Ways of Remembering,

I was watching a documentary about Maya Angelou not long ago. I am completely gripped when I see her talking or reading her poetry. What wonderful use of words and gestures to convey the complexities and simplicities of life! What a beautiful, modulated voice! What a lovely sense of humour and humanity! She inspires me every time I see her or read her work.

Being inspired means you relate directly to the spirit within someone, and it prompts you to want to be more like them. It is an active reminder of how we can be. It makes sense that Maya Angelou inspires me – I love writing, using words well, and always want to be better at communicating.

Those who inspire us embody qualities and values that we hold dear and make us want to develop them further in ourselves. They are the models that appeal to us because we can relate to their way of being in the world.

Who is inspirational for you will depend on your existing tendencies. It may be someone who creates great art; it may be a gardener, a teacher, a chef; it may be someone who dares to speak out for truth or justice. There are so many possibilities for us – and we’re not limited to one.

It is important that we identify and use these role models, those who inspire us. They help us to connect to and develop the same qualities inn ourselves.

So, think about it: who inspires you?

THE BEATEN PATH

Ways of Remembering, ,

How much of your everyday life is just following the beaten path: the automatic pilot of habit, where we are not even aware of our own behaviour? I was made to ask this question by reading a book recently called ‘How We Are’ by Vincent Deary, where he talks about how and why we are creatures of habit. He also talks about how it can be hard to change, until we form a new habit and go back to automatic pilot again on a new beaten path.

It is not that it is wrong to function like this, but sometimes it is worth noticing that the beaten path you are walking is not really a useful one. For example, we may ignore signs of hunger in ourselves until it is becoming urgent and then snack because we can’t wait to make ourselves a proper meal.

Or we may always try to finish a task even though we know really that we need a break – and then we become clumsy or mess it up and it takes even longer.

We do know if we have a habit that’s not useful to us because we will say to ourselves: ‘Damn, I always do that!’, telling ourselves off after the event with the wisdom of hindsight!

And we can pick them off, one by one, (most of us have lots of them), by consciously choosing to deliberately change the habit to something more useful, forming a new beaten path.

It would be impossible to live our lives if we had to think through every action and behaviour – we’d never get anything done! But the more beaten paths we have that are useful to us, the more we free ourselves for a better life.