When we were kids, I remember my mum shouting at us every so often: ‘Can I just have a bit of peace and quiet!’ We got to know that it was the warning that she was reaching the end of her tether with our noisy play, so we’d better get out of earshot.

Now I realise that it was more than that – we were just the icing on the cake, so to speak. We all need some peace and quiet, both from external stimuli, like children playing noisily, and from our internal emotions and thoughts.

Since then, the external disturbances have increased significantly. Mobile phones, tv, cars and lorries, are all much more prevalent. Once upon a time, someone walking down the road talking to themselves was a bit disturbing. Now it’s normal, and it’s loud, so that the person at the other end of the phone can hear them over everything else around them!

And 24-hour news and social media constantly bombarding us add to the stress of our own emotions and thoughts, as we try to get through our busy lives.

If we don’t stop and give ourselves a bit of peace and quiet, we become overwhelmed with all that’s going on, and can easily end up in a negative frame of mind that affects everything we do or say.

Notice that peace and quiet doesn’t mean silence. Its implication is that we can just be calm and regain perspective by having a quiet mind. We can find peace and quiet through a lovely piece of music, or by being in the garden, or a park or woodland. Sometimes reading something inspirational or gentle can have the same effect.

However you find your peace and quiet, it needs to be a vital part of your day. Just 15 minutes is enough to reset the buttons and enable you to reduce the effects of modern-day living.

Make your life a bit easier – give yourself a bit of peace and quiet.

Have you ever met a ‘successful’ person? You know what I mean: good job, big house, nice car etc. I have met quite a few in my time, but very few of them were happy or content.

It makes me wonder whether we need to look at our own definition of success rather than that imposed by society. After all, if so-called success doesn’t make us happy, what’s the point in all that striving? It’s a bit like struggling to climb a high hill and then finding the view is disappointing and wasn’t worth the effort.

I think that at different stages if our life, we may have different definitions of success, but wherever you are up to, you need to check out that you’ve chosen the right hill to climb for you.

It is good to continue to work at being better at whatever it is: becoming complacent leads to entropy, and we slip and slide instead of making progress. We just need to ensure were making our effort in the right direction.

At this stage in my life, the hill I’m climbing is all about feeling good. For me, that means looking after my physical, mental and emotional state.

My success is when I have balanced my differing needs well: been creative, active, kept calm, felt happy. Obviously, I haven’t achieved this 100%! And sometimes it is really hard to even get close to it, when something throws me off balance. I suspect I’m going to be climbing this particular hill for the rest of my life, but that’s OK – it’s an enjoyable climb most of the time!

So just reflect on your own story. How would you define success for you at this point in your life? There are no wrong answers, but do make sure that you’re climbing the right hill for you, and that the climb itself is mostly enjoyable.

I like the expression ‘common sense’. It says two things:

1. We have it in common – it’s a shared knowing.
2. It’s about sense, which is a word used for our awareness, not our head-centred ideas or rules.

What I find sad is that we’re generally not either taught or encouraged to use it or develop it.

I think the confusion and frustration about our ‘rules and guidelines’ for the pandemic illustrates this perfectly. Our common sense tells us that they don’t make sense. For example, if it’s not ok to be in our homes with more than a certain number of friends and family, why is it ok for us to be in a store with many more strangers?

There is an assumption that we don’t use our common sense written into all the guidance we’ve been given. Either they assume we have none, or they assume we won’t use it to question the rules.

And this is not the only way in which our common sense is ignored or repressed, by any stretch of the imagination. We all know we’re not robots, that we have a natural flow to our energy, and it isn’t consistent. Yet we are taught to work past this knowing and to be consistently busy and productive, resulting in burn-out for many people. (By the way, burn-out as an expression comes from machines that are pushed beyond their capacity – a telling metaphor).

Over the years, we learn how to habitually ignore our common sense. We stop listening to the inner voice that says, ‘This is not right.’ And each time we do this, we are repressing our own wisdom.

So come on, let’s start encouraging our own common sense instead. Begin to hear the ‘this is not right’, and take notice of it, act on it, whenever we feel we can. And let’s encourage others to follow this common sense as well. Talk about it. challenge the nonsense. Open the conversations about our knowing, our shared sense of right and wrong.

Maybe then we would have governments we could respect, better relationships with others, and enjoy our lives more.

We have spent a lot of the last year under a cloud of fear and it feels like it’s time to change the story. Normally people make resolutions for the New Year, but I suggest we do something that’s more gentle and hopeful – we make a wish or two.

We need to dream of a more hopeful and improved future and believe again in the possibility of a world we want to live in. so let’s all put our wishes in the wishing well of the universe this year and between us create the version of a better world at every level. It is a powerful way of beginning to change the story, because we need to have an alternate picture, before we can begin to turn it into reality.

This is not an ‘if only’ – when we try to wish away how things are- that only confirms the realty we have. It is a dream – how I wish things to be – a vision for the future – that is what makes it powerful. Remember Martin Luther King: ‘I have a dream..’

So I think there are three l levels of wishes to put in that well:

1. My wish for my own life
2. My wish for the lives of others
3. My wish for the world we live in

As examples:

1. I wish that I may live life to the full, with big doses of joy and laughter, friendships I value and enjoy, and a sense of fulfilling my purpose in being here in this incarnation
2. I wish that every human being may have shelter and enough to eat, be valued for who they are and feel loved
3. I wish that we may all rediscover ways of caring for each other and the planet we live on, using common sense and compassion as our driving forces rather than greed or egotism.

I don’t know what your wishes might be, but I’d love you to put them in the wishing well with mine – it’s time we created a brighter future for all of us.

May your 2021 go well for you..

I began to write this, and my cat, Smokey, jumped on my lap and pushed the pen out of my hand. He had come for his morning cuddle, and nothing was getting in the way of that. No matter what, he insists on his 10 minutes of fuss – and it’s good for both of us: soothing, warm, a bit of love.

It struck me that we all need to put feeling good as a priority at the end of this year. Everyone I know has had it tough in one way or another, and it isn’t over yet. We all need to refresh ourselves. Cats know instinctively how to do this. Small children are similar: they can be really upset about something and then recover instantly when offered something that pleases them.

So let’s be childlike and actively seek out the simple pleasures for ourselves over this holiday period.

Enjoy the taste of good food, the smell of a scented candle, the twinkle of fairy lights, the cosiness of a favourite sweater, the sound of laughter.

Indulge yourself with a favourite movie or book, a soak in a scented bath, an extra helping of that dessert.

Appreciate the winter sun, the birds singing, the peace of a walk in the park or country, the beauty of nature even in its dormant period.

And delight in that close contact with those you love: give them an extra hug or video call, laugh with them, remind them of fun times you’ve had together, tell them you love them.

It would be lovely if the problems we have had through this year were over, but they’re not, so let’s concentrate on what we do have in our lives that’s good and leave the problems to one side for a little while.

Have a happy Christmas and refresh yourselves, ready to make a difference in 2021. Take a break and enjoy some simple pleasures.,

Many years ago, I studied the theatre of the absurd. Now I am living in it! We have a prime minster who looks like a clown, sounds like an advert spouting slogans and leads like a drunkard who has a ‘good idea’ – a less extreme yet equally unimpressive version of ‘crazy uncle’ Trump. His cohort in government is no better – they all seem more like caricatures than real human beings, and seem to be driven by the belief that if they spout their nonsense often enough, we will all fit in to their story.

If we go out anywhere, most people have face-coverings – remember when that was weird? – and we attempt to stay away from other people as much as possible. And we are all under threat from something we can’t see and we don’t understand.

It’s amazing we are coping as well as we are!

In this live version of the theatre of the absurd, I find it helpful to re-focus on my own corner of this world, and do what I can to give myself a sense of meaning, purpose and enjoyment. Despite the restrictions and the nonsense, I can still have contact with friends, work on my garden, do my writing, and enjoy the natural world as it goes about its normal natural flow. I can maintain and build and enjoyable and purposeful daily life that feels real, rather than being caught up in the absurd melodrama.

Focussing on what we have, rather than what we don’t have, what we can do as opposed to what we can’t do, paying attention to the things that really matter to us, ensuring that we have enjoyable moments in the day, keeping ourselves as fit and healthy as we can – these are the things that will bring us through this period of absurdity, and maybe then we can reach a point where we are in the theatre of enlightenment instead of the theatre of the absurd.

I didn’t realise how important it was to me to have things to look forward to: holidays and concerts booked for sometime in the future. I didn’t consciously think about them much, once they were booked, but cancelling the last one in the diary definitely hit hard. They obviously gave me a sense of movement, direction, and a form of landmark.

So now what, in these times when everything is uncertain, and none of us know for how long we will be restricted in our movement and our social activity? One of my friends gave me the clue: she said she was planning in visits with people she loves, which included me, I’m glad to say! (We can still do that, at this point in time).

I’ve always enjoyed that, and I realised that it was a reminder about two things. The first is how much our relationships with others matter. We all realised that when it was taken away from us during the full lockdown – let’s not forget it or take it for granted again. Instead, let’s delight in our friendships and fully appreciate them.

The second reminder was that, even in ‘ordinary’ times, the only real certainty is right now, the present moment. Getting through our everyday with occasional highlights to look forward to is not living our lives, and if the highlight is disappointing, that’s even worse!

So what can I appreciate about today, how can I make today a good day? Taking the time to notice the autumn sunshine, the flowers still blooming in the garden; paying attention to my cats and their sweetness; laughing with a friend at the absurdity of it all; making a tasty dinner; watching a good movie – there are so many ways we can enliven our day.

I may not have anything to look forward to at the moment but I do have today. Let’s make it a good one!

Over the years my mornings have changed considerably. Once upon a time the morning routine consisted of a quick shower, a gulped cup of coffee, and putting my face on (that’s how I thought of putting make-up on!). Nowadays, there is quiet time with lemon tea, a coffee with journal writing, a check through any plans for the day, and eventually the actual getting ready for the day – wash, clothes etc.

I was remembering how it felt to rush off to work, and wondering if my mornings are simply an indulgence, now that I don’t have to rush.

But I think there is a bigger distinction between those mornings than just time taken. I used to have a routine – etymologically that means an automatic, mechanical way of doing things – and it got me out of the house on time. Now I have everyday rituals – etymologically rituals are a sacred act, with intention.

This distinction between routine and ritual is important because it is about choosing to imbue an activity with meaning rather than just doing it automatically. For example, your shower can be just what you do to clean yourself, or it can be a way of refreshing yourself ready for a new day.

Having everyday rituals helps us to punctuate our days with ways of refreshing, re-energising, or allowing ourselves to rest, and consciously using them for that purpose enriches their effect.

‘This is my wake-up cup of coffee.’

‘That spritz of perfume/cologne means I’m ready for what comes next.’

’The 5 minute walk round the garden is my time to re-energise.’

‘Reading a few pages of my book gets me ready to sleep.’

By connecting particular activities with an effect and saying so to ourselves, we give ourselves an easy way of achieving that effect.

So don’t have routines – they’re boring – but do have everyday rituals – they enrich your life.