SPRING FORWARD

Ways of Remembering,

When I was young and the clocks changed, my mum always used to say: ‘Spring forward, fall back’, to remind us which way they went. Well, we’ve just had ‘spring forward’ and I thought it was a good metaphor for where we are now.

The lockdown is gradually easing, more of us are now vaccinated and given some protection from the virus, the days are longer and milder – all forward movement.

And let’s continue to move forward, not backwards. I don’t want to ‘go back to normal’ – that’s not moving forward. Let’s take this opportunity that’s been given to us to evolve the way we live our lives.

I want to continue to appreciate the simple delights of life that became so obvious during this period: a new flower blooming in the garden; someone phoning unexpectedly for a chat; a bird singing its heart out; a good movie.

And I want to continue and expand upon my appreciation of the company and support of friends, without whom this period would have been unbearable.

We have all been reminded that life is unpredictable, so let’s live our lives to the full, and give those we love the heartfelt hugs we have missed so much.

Let’s work less and love more. Let’s moan less and laugh more. Lets’ ignore less and care more. Let’s spring forward.

JUST ONE SMALL ACT OF KINDNESS

Ways of Remembering,

The other day three different people were kind to me. It wasn’t ‘big stuff’ – just small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. I wasn’t having a great day, and it transformed the feel of the day. I felt cared for, appreciated, loved. And it made me think about how powerful kindness is.

We don’t have to become saints to be kind. It comes naturally to human beings, particularly when we switch on our caring button – the part of us that listens to and cares about other human beings. It is an important element of our inter-connectedness, and we gain almost as much from being kind to others as we do from them being kind to us.

Physically the act of kindness produces the same chemicals in both parties – and even in those who just observe an act of kindness – the ‘happy’ hormones. And these create that feeling of worth, gratitude, appreciation, thus enhancing our mood.

Right now, we all need kindness – it has been a tough year for most. So make that small effort: phone someone and say something of your appreciation of them to make them glow; give a stranger a compliment as you pass them on the street; offer to help a friend with a chore; move something heavy for someone who isn’t as strong as you – the possibilities are endless.  

And really show your appreciation for the small, everyday acts of kindness that others offer you. Let them know that it helped to make your day a good day.

And of course, don’t forget to be kind to yourself as well. When we ‘let ourselves off’, give ourselves a break, we make ourselves feel better.

If we all just did one small act of kindness every day, we could transform the world!

CAN YOU STILL SMILE?

Ways of Remembering,

My friend Rebecca and I were talking a short while ago, discussing, as we all do, the effects of the pandemic. We got into the subject of masks and how they affect our interactions.

Not only do glasses steam up when we wear them, and our verbal communication become less clear, but they also significantly affect our non-verbal communication. We all express our emotions most strongly through our body language and our facial expressions – but half our faces are now covered a lot of the time in our interactions.

So we don’t see each other smile or grimace in that unconscious way we used to, giving us feedback about others’ reactions. It requires us to be conscious, if we want to come past that barrier to making friendly contact with others.

If I really want to smile at someone, I have to make sure that I take that smile beyond my mouth and put it into my eyes and into the tone of my voice. And I need to look at others directly, and notice their voice tone, what their eyes are saying.

We have learnt almost to do the opposite: we look away from people so we don’t breathe the same air, and we are already feeling isolated from others because of the mask, so often we will retreat into our own world.

Yet we also all miss that human contact – with loved ones of course, but also all the peripheral relationships we have, with people in shops, on the street, in transport.

So let’s make a real effort to show our friendly smiles and provoke others into smiling too. Light your eyes up, soften your voice tone, smile at people despite the masks.

CONGRATULATE YOURSELF!

Ways of Remembering

Most of us are struggling somewhat with what feels like never-ending restrictions, cold grey days, and a lack of ‘normal’ highlights in our week. We miss spending time with people we love, being able to go for a coffee or a pint with friends, having any social life.

And we can get quite miserable, but also somewhat critical of ourselves:

‘I’m not ill, so I shouldn’t complain.’

‘I’ve a home and family, and food on the table – what’s the matter with me?’

‘Others are much worse off than me – why am I being a miserable cow?’

That’s pretty mean to ourselves! How about turning it around and being proud of yourself?

You have got through nearly a year of unusual and difficult circumstances. You have adapted your normal way of life in the best way you can. You have managed to have moments of laughter and joy despite the dire circumstances. You have achieved some things you wouldn’t have done otherwise: maybe cleaning out some clutter or redecorating something; maybe reconnecting via zoom or phone with old friends; maybe pursuing an interest or hobby further.

We have all done some of these things, and anything we’ve achieved deserves congratulations – it’s happened while we have a dark cloud called a pandemic hanging over us!

So you have some bad days – that’s to be expected. But you’ve also had some good days – now that’s something to be proud of.

It’s not fun, living our lives with a black cloud hanging over us. And it makes it harder to deal with the normal ups and downs of life, because there’s a negative energy around before we even start to add in the problems we come across.

But we’re doing a pretty good job of dealing with it aren’t we? So be proud of yourself for your endurance, your resilience and your ability to find some positives in all this – congratulations! You deserve a treat today!

WHY IS NOT A USEFUL QUESTION

Ways of Remembering,

Whether it be about the wider context of our world, or about something which happens to us personally, why is not a useful question.

It may serve a purpose in gaining us a greater understanding or an explanation, but it is also likely to make us feel more powerless, more a victim of circumstance, or more guilty.

We generally ask why when something doesn’t make sense in our world view: Why did this happen to me? Why don’t they…? Why would someone…? Why can’t I…? We start from a place of wishing it were different from how it is, of finding whatever it is confusing or unacceptable. So any answers we may find already have a negative tinge.

More than that, answers to why don’t help us to handle it better usually, and are very unlikely to change the circumstance. ‘Why doesn’t so and so call me back?’ for example, just makes me feel crosser and doesn’t prompt them to call me!

So, what will help us to deal with whatever it is? This is a more useful question! Once we accept that it is how it is, then we can ask ourselves the useful questions: What am I going to do about it? How can I find a way to deal with it?

We are living through a time when things don’t make sense to us, and it’s easy to be disheartened by it. But we also all have the ability to choose to find a way to make our lives work the best way we can in the circumstances, rather than to be victims of it. Let’s stop asking why and start asking what can I do to help myself through.

KEEP YOURSELF WELL

Ways of Remembering

There are many things we can learn from the effects of the pandemic, so that we improve our lives from now on. One that is central is the concept of keeping ourselves well, rather than trying to get better when we are sick.

We need to take care of our physical bodies as a daily requirement, so that we have active and healthy immune systems and are far less likely to fall prey to the various problems that can affect us.

This means having a health-giving diet: the rainbow of foods on our plate to give us the vitamins and minerals we need; less fat and sugar and processed food; enough water to keep us hydrated properly. We may also supplement with those things that specifically boost our immune system, like vitamin D and Echinacea

It also means keeping our bodies active; walking, exercising, stretching, at least a little every day – bodies work better when they are moved.

And of course it also means taking some control of the way our minds are working. Being anxious or stressed, fearful or frustrated, all set off our adrenaline, which suppresses our immune system temporarily and makes us more vulnerable.

Finally we need to remember how to listen to our own bodies – they have an innate wisdom. They were not designed to work like robots – they have a flow and rhythm of their own. Sometimes we have energy to spare and can do lots; other times we feel sluggish and need to give ourselves space to replenish. Sometimes we need more sleep than at other times even though we haven’t done much more than usual.  We don’t know what bugs our bodies may have been fighting on our behalf, tiring themselves out! And we are often neglectful of our own hunger and thirst, until it becomes urgent and we eat any old thing to just fill the hole – or we eat and drink because we are fed up or tired rather than to satisfy our bodies.

None of these things are hard to do – they come naturally when we are little and we are taught how to ignore them. They just require us to pay attention to our own state of being until it becomes habitual and natural again. And they will all help us to keep well rather than try to avoid being sick. They are useful now, as we all cope with the pandemic, but they are also a great habit to get into for the rest of your life.

MAKE A WISH

Ways of Remembering,

We have spent a lot of the last year under a cloud of fear and it feels like it’s time to change the story. Normally people make resolutions for the New Year, but I suggest we do something that’s more gentle and hopeful – we make a wish or two.

We need to dream of a more hopeful and improved future and believe again in the possibility of a world we want to live in. so let’s all put our wishes in the wishing well of the universe this year and between us create the version of a better world at every level. It is a powerful way of beginning to change the story, because we need to have an alternate picture, before we can begin to turn it into reality.

This is not an ‘if only’ – when we try to wish away how things are- that only confirms the realty we have. It is a dream – how I wish things to be – a vision for the future – that is what makes it powerful. Remember Martin Luther King: ‘I have a dream..’

So I think there are three l levels of wishes to put in that well:

  1. My wish for my own life
  2. My wish for the lives of others
  3. My wish for the world we live in

As examples:

  1. I wish that I may live life to the full, with big doses of joy and laughter, friendships I value and enjoy, and a sense of fulfilling my purpose in being here in this incarnation
  2. I wish that every human being may have shelter and enough to eat, be valued for who they are and feel loved
  3. I wish that we may all rediscover ways of caring for each other and the planet we live on, using common sense and compassion as our driving forces rather than greed or egotism.

I don’t know what your wishes might be, but I’d love you to put them in the wishing well with mine – it’s time we created a brighter future for all of us.

May your 2021 go well for you..

THE SIMPLE PLEASURES

Ways of Remembering,

I began to write this, and my cat, Smokey, jumped on my lap and pushed the pen out of my hand. He had come for his morning cuddle, and nothing was getting in the way of that. No matter what, he insists on his 10 minutes of fuss – and it’s good for both of us: soothing, warm, a bit of love.

It struck me that we all need to put feeling good as a priority at the end of this year. Everyone I know has had it tough in one way or another, and it isn’t over yet. We all need to refresh ourselves. Cats know instinctively how to do this. Small children are similar: they can be really upset about something and then recover instantly when offered something that pleases them.

So let’s be childlike and actively seek out the simple pleasures for ourselves over this holiday period.

Enjoy the taste of good food, the smell of a scented candle, the twinkle of fairy lights, the cosiness of a favourite sweater, the sound of laughter.

Indulge yourself with a favourite movie or book, a soak in a scented bath, an extra helping of that dessert.

Appreciate the winter sun, the birds singing, the peace of a walk in the park or country, the beauty of nature even in its dormant period.

And delight in that close contact with those you love: give them an extra hug or video call, laugh with them, remind them of fun times you’ve had together, tell them you love them.

It would be lovely if the problems we have had through this year were over, but they’re not, so let’s concentrate on what we do have in our lives that’s good and leave the problems to one side for a little while.

Have a happy Christmas and refresh yourselves, ready to make a difference in 2021. Take a break and enjoy some simple pleasures.,

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!

Ways of Remembering

I saw someone talking the other day about the language that is being used in announcements about covid. It was fascinating, and surely resonated with me – you know how I love the power of words.

Basically he was saying that there were two major areas where the language being used is actively working against the required response from people.

The first is the use of battle and war language, which provokes emotions like fear and anger rather than positive action. For example, fighting the virus, rather than eliminating it, or reducing its effect, and front-line workers rather than essential workers.

The second poor use of language is in the imposition of government rules, rather than calling on personal responsibility. He suggested that we all have a tendency to react against rules, and few of us trust our governments to have our best interests at heart, so the combination of these two provokes frustration and rebellion rather than compliance. If it were fact-based information from the scientists and medical experts on viruses that came to the fore, with requests for personal responsibility and care for others, instead of rules, more people would respond positively. For example, here are the reasons why staying at home is advisable wherever possible

His statement clarified for me what I find so frustrating about this whole period. Instead of taking care of ourselves and others, we are urged to fight an invisible enemy. Instead of consistency in the rules, we have massive and obvious inconsistencies: compromise to placate vested interests, delays in action despite scientific advice, considerations other than our health playing a large part, and no trust in our common sense.

Surely an appeal to our common sense would work better for most – a small minority may not respond, but it would be less than now. And surely saving people from being at risk of dying is more important than economic or political considerations in the short-term.

OK, that’s my rant!!

And all this is also a reminder that each of us has a part to play. Our language is also powerful and influences those around us. We can take personal responsibility, use common sense, listen to the facts rather than the ‘message’, and we can talk in that way when the topic is covid.  – as it so often is!

May we all do our best to look after ourselves and others, and find ways to safely make our lives work, no matter what.

WHAT ENLIVENS YOU?

Ways of Remembering

As we continue to be restricted in what we can do, who we can see, where we can go, it is easy to become fed up, a bit miserable, and rather dull! Life can seem like just a repetitive round of same old, same old, and we lack stimulus or motivation.

So we need to find as many ways as possible to enliven our lives – make it living not just surviving.

So what enlivens you?

There are the things that get us going physically and wake us up in our bodies: a walk in the fresh air, an hour in the garden, our favourite form of exercise, or just dancing to a favourite piece of music.

Then there are the things that enliven us mentally: watching an interesting documentary, talking ‘big talk’ with the friends who do that, tackling a tough crossword, reading more on a topic you’re curious about.

And there are those things that liven up our positive emotions: a feel-good movie, laughing with a friend, doing something kind for someone else, getting absorbed for a few hours in something you love doing.

And of course, any one of these ‘enliveners’ may well stimulate our liveliness in more than one way. We know the things that really ‘wake us up’ again.

We all have lots of possibilities, even with the restrictions we are currently experiencing, ad we can choose to give ourselves something that makes us feel truly alive each day, if only for a short time.

This is not indulgence, it’s essential for us, to keep us growing and thriving a human beings. And by practising it now, we can get into the habit of ensuring that we really live our lives each day.