We rarely stop and consciously think about our intentions before we act on something. We may think about what we’re about to do, and we’re usually aware of our attitude towards it: I’m looking forward to it; I’m going to do my best; this will be difficult; I wish I didn’t have to. What we do less often is recognise that we can actively change our attitude to make a difference to what happens.

Have you noticed how often our expectations are fulfilled? If I think it is going to be boring, it usually is. If I am looking forward to something, it’s usually fun. We conclude that we were right. What we don’t notice very often is how we affected what happened.

If my attitude is positive, I go into whatever it is with a lightness of spirit which changes my body language, my tone of voice, how I greet people, and they tend to respond in kind. Even if no one else is involved, that positive attitude changes my energy levels, my way of thinking about what I’m doing, and helps me to make a good job of it.

Of course, a negative attitude has the opposite effect on my behaviour. If I’m fearful or reluctant or expecting it to be hard, I have a completely different way of behaving, and others will again tend to respond in kind. It is really easy to provoke negative reactions from others – we can all make that argument happen if we want to! Again, even when no-one else is involved, we drag ourselves into the situation, and we will drop things, make mistakes, run out of energy quickly.

What we are underestimating, in both the positive and negative, is our own power. We play a major part in creating the situation in the way we expect. If we realise this, we can make life easier for ourselves by consciously changing our attitude.

We don’t have to pretend to be jolly about something we’re not particularly keen on – that doesn’t work. What we can do is focus on what will make it easier or less boring. We can look for a more useful expectation for ourselves.

For example: I’ll listen to some favourite music while I do this; I’ll remember that the other person would prefer the meeting to go well; I’ll find someone I like to talk to at this party.

There are enough stumbling blocks in life without us creating even more by expecting the worst. Consciously changing our attitude can make life easier for us. This year, let’s do it more often