Tag Archives: useful thinking

APPRECIATE THIS DAY

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I am old enough to know that this could be the last time that I see this friend, that I visit a place I love, that I see an amazing movie or play or concert, that I have the joy of the season’s flowers in my garden.

I wish I had realised it earlier in my life, so that I ‘squeezed the juice’ out of all the wonders and delights that we rush through when we are younger.

Today, I can wish I were a young woman again, I can try to clear all my emails, I can be cross because it’s raining. Or I can enjoy a slow, peaceful start to the day, watch the birds at the feeders, read some of my book, and notice the soothing sound of the rain on my conservatory roof. My choice.

Do I notice the negatives in my day, or do I appreciate the good things that I can easily find if I care to look for them?

If I treat each day as if it were my last, each visit as if it were the last, my life becomes full of riches.

So today, stop for a moment and notice the beauty, the wonder, the smiles and laughter, and truly appreciate them. Choose to make it a good day.

I WONDER

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I prefer the phrase ‘I wonder’ to either ‘I hope’ or ‘I fear’ when we are talking about future possibilities.

Hope and fear both express doubt to some extent, but are also an emotional investment in the outcome. They mean we are attached to a particular result.

On the other hand, wondering what will happen expresses curiosity, and interest in the outcome without a drive for a particular answer,

Notice how differently our minds react, in simple everyday things: ‘ I hope it doesn’t rain all day’, or ‘I fear it’s going to rain all day’, as opposed to:’ I wonder if it will rain all day’.

With the first two phrases, we will be disappointed if it does rain all day. When we wonder, we aren’t looking for any particular answer, and are just curious to see what happens, ready to be surprised, no matter which way it goes.

There is a lovely line in a Paul Simon song: ‘This is the age of miracles and wonder’. It conjures up the magic of not always knowing or understanding, but being able to delight in whatever turns out.

Children are great at wondering, being fascinated by whatever happens, because it is inherent in us as humans. If we didn’t wonder, we wouldn’t create or invent or innovate; life would be very boring if everything were predictable and as it has always been.

Originally, the word meant surprise, astonishment – recognition of the unpredictability of nature, of people, of the future. How lovely to be constantly surprised by how things are rather than relieved or disappointed.

I think wondering is wonderful!

TIME AND MOTION OR HUMAN?

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There was a period in the 1950’s and 60’s when organisations were obsessed with time and motion studies, to supposedly improve efficiency and productivity. The researchers observed people at work and recorded how they wasted time and moved unnecessarily, then making recommendations to reduce their ‘waste’. It certainly had an impact, but not the desired one.

They had missed one vital element out of the equation: these were not robots, they were humans. To be effective as human beings, we need to interact, be comfortable, stop sometimes and take a break, and feel good about what we are doing.

Yet sometimes we all do a time and motion study on ourselves. We set ourselves inherently impossible targets and then feel bad because we don’t achieve them, but we have forgotten to take into account the fact we are human.

It may seem logical to assume we can deal with 50 emails in an hour – after all, some of them will just need to be deleted. However, it’s a very boring task, and it only takes one that’s more complex to deal with to put us off, make us decide we need a cup of coffee, or that something else is more important.

The same thing applies to cleaning the whole house, weeding the back garden, writing the whole report in one go. Logically, they needn’t take long, but we’re human, and feelings also come into it.

There is an alternative. Set yourself a target that is easy to achieve in a small amount of time. And we are often so pleased with ourselves that we go beyond the target and feel even more chuffed!

Allow yourself time for breaks, for not really being in the mood, for having a chat with someone, and you will get more done and feel better about it.

You’re not a machine, so allow yourself to be human.

ONE STEP IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

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Sometimes we get overwhelmed by the long list of things we have to do, and end up paralysed by the enormity of the tasks ahead. When it feels like this, we tend to spend more time and energy worrying, telling ourselves it’s impossible, and resenting it than we do on getting on with it.

In these circumstances, it’s useful to just take one step at a time, doing the next most necessary thing – and then take the next step. This sounds obvious, but it has some useful nuances.

Firstly, it takes you away from the puzzle of where to begin: you start with whatever’s right in front of you, staring you in the face, or shouting at you.

Secondly, it’s about what’s most necessary. That may be paying the bill that’s overdue, but could equally well be having some breakfast, or stopping for 5 minutes for a cup of coffee.

This word necessary also reminds us that, as we go along, we may well realise that some of what we had n our list isn’t necessary today after all. We all tend to add in more ‘I must’s’ than are really in that category! Mowing the lawn could wait a few days, the clutter accumulated on the coffee table could be pushed to one side for now, there’s no rush on responding to that email – you know the sort of thing.

Thirdly, this approach gives you some momentum. You make a start somewhere and then take the next step – you’re moving rather than paralysed by the thought of what you have to do.

You may not get everything done that you had on your list, but for sure you will have done more than you thought you could when you were feeling overwhelmed.

You will also feel more energised at the end of the day, and can be proud of yourself for what you have achieved.

We don’t climb mountains by dreading it and then trying to push ourselves on. We do it by setting off and putting one foot in front of the other.

‘I’VE BEEN WORKING FULL-TIME ON LIVING’

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A dear friend said this to me when I was bemoaning the fact that I hadn’t done much that day. What a perfect reframe for those days when neither your body nor your mind are up to doing much, so you read a bit, watch a movie, call someone up for a chat.

Actually, it’s a great way to look at your day-to-day life altogether. It puts a different value on everything you do because it poses the questions:

 ‘Is this a day when I listened to my own state?’

 ‘Have I felt good today, or have I pushed myself to do stuff?’

‘Have I taken pleasure in what I have done, or has it felt more like duty?’

 ‘Have I been doing, or have I been being?’

There are so many parts of our day-to-day living we don’t value, especially when retired or on holiday. Allowing ourselves a slow start to the morning, enjoying a wander round the garden, chatting with a neighbour, tidying out a messy drawer, doing some on a hobby we have, or just sitting with a good cup of coffee or glass of wine and being peaceful.

We feel as if we have to prove we have done something productive, ‘important’, so we don’t waste time.

Yet all these moments in a day have immense value for our spirits, our being, and need to be seen as such. Wouldn’t it be lovely to have positive answers to those questions I posed every single day! It would mean that we were doing a good job of living, the most important work we will ever do.

I am revising my assessment of my days to give value to all the times I feel good about my activity or inactivity, the times I feel like I’m living and being, not just doing. Care to join me?

RADICAL INCREMENTALISM

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I recently read a book (4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman) where I came across this phrase, and I just love it! It is the perfect expression of something I have been working on for a while.

It is about the easy way to get big jobs done: do a small, time-limited amount every day, stopping before you’ve run out of energy or enthusiasm. By approaching it in this way, you don’t put off doing the next piece because you haven’t pushed yourself previously, and by consistently doing a bit of the task, you clear it easily and without effort.

You can use this method to do things like de-clutter your home, clear your garden of winter debris or weed the flower beds, sort out holiday arrangements, clear emails – well, almost anything!

I have long been an advocate of turning bigger jobs into projects, where success is counted, not as finishing the whole thing, but as completing one stage of the project. This takes it further – it’s radical. Now success is: ‘I did my 15 – 30 minutes today.’

And of course, if you have several different things you’re applying the principle to, you can feel really good about yourself when you say: ‘I did a bit of this one, and some of that one, and a bit of the other one too.’

So next time you have a job you’re putting off, consider using radical incrementalism to get it done the easy way.

WORRYING IS A WASTTE OF ENERGY

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Will I be able to afford it if my car needs repairs? Will my pension lose its value because of Trump? Will the seeds I’ve planted grow? Will my medical check up reveal something dire? Will there be another world war?

Once our minds start down this path, we can find hundreds of things, big and small, to worry about, and get ourselves into a fine old state, trying to work out contingency plans, or just getting more and more anxious. What a waste of energy!

All our worries are about what might happen in the future, yet we all know that the future is unpredictable. All our plans may fall apart, or everything might turn out well, or any mixture if these two extremes. The future is always uncertain.

Yes, we can think things through in advance, and do our best to prepare properly, but we can’t guarantee anything.

All out worrying does is make us anxious and uncomfortable, using up the energy we would need if there were to be something unexpected to deal with. Even if things turn out well, worrying beforehand leaves us in no fit state to really appreciate it.

We’ll never get it all right, have all go according to plan – that’s not how life works – there are too many moving parts, but the unexpected good things happen as well – that’s also how life works.

So let’s stop wasting our energy on worrying about what’s to come, and use it instead to make the most of the present.

LOOKING WITH FRESH EYES

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So much of our lives is ordinary: routines, our homes, our family and friends, the landscapes around us, our work. Our circumstances all become familiar and just accepted as being how they are. In fact, we hardly notice them unless something out of the ordinary happens.

But we could really appreciate them – or decide to change them if we look at everything with fresh eyes, a different perspective, and it becomes a voyage of discovery that is better than any holiday.

Take a moment to imagine you are coming into your home for the first time as a new visitor. What impression do you have immediately? How does it feel as an environment? What attracts your attention? Would you change anything?

Or imagine you have been locked away inside with no access to or view of the outside world, and go into your garden or street. What delights you? What do you see, as if for the first time? (Going out with a small child can help with this, if you let them lead the ‘adventure’.)

Or imagine what you would miss, if you didn’t have these friends, this family. What would that deprive you of that brings you joy?

Or be you at 85 years old, reminiscing about your life. What lovely memories would you have? What would you regret or change if you could?

This is such a fun way to rediscover your own world, to bring back to life all your own taken-for-granteds. See things differently in your own ordinary life by looking at it with fresh eyes and discovering its wonders.

MOST FEAR IS A WASTE OF ENERGY

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We all have times when we feel fearful, but when we look back on it, many of those times the fear was unfounded.

Fear is sometimes used as an acronym for ‘false evidence appearing real.’ What does this mean? We usually fear things which are in the future, so they haven’t happened yet. So, much of the time, the evidence we use as a reason for being fearful is created by our minds. It may be based on some past experience, or on something others have told us, but even if there are some grounds for the fear, we often embroider it from that fear-based mindset.

For example, rationally, how can we be afraid of spiders? They are so small in comparison to us, yet they somehow become monsters in our minds!

What makes it worse is that some fear-based imaginings of what it will be like set us up to handle whatever it is badly. We have already git ourselves stressed and anxious before we even encounter the experience – not a good state to deal with something well, or even accept that it is actually fine.

Of course, there are times when the fear we feel is accurate. This fear is more gut-based than head- based. We do have a good intuitive knowing if something is unsafe or dangerous, but it is based on immediate circumstances, not future imaginings.

So just notice if the fear you feel is really a ‘what if…’ – that’s your head making up stories. And it won’t help you, even if there were some accuracy in it. Decide to assume the best, rather than the worst. That is not only likely to be more accurate, it will also save your energy for dealing with whatever happens.

THE HEART OF THE MATTER

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I was watching an interview with Maya Angelou a few weeks ago. She always expressed ideas with such beautiful eloquence, and she came out with one that really hit home for me.

The interviewer started a question by saying: ‘The fact of the matter is…’ and she interrupted him. ‘The facts of the matter are the who, what, where, when, how,’ she said. ‘But that does not tell you the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter is in the heart.’

I love that simple exposition of what really matters. It is our feelings, our values, our intuition, that take us towards the real truth. Being factually correct doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right, or good.

You often see this played out in police procedural dramas. All the evidence seems to point to a certain person, yet there is a detective who says, ‘This doesn’t feel right,’ and goes on to find the real perpetrator.

In our everyday lives, we can be bamboozled by facts and forget to take notice of our intuitive reaction, which tells us that it isn’t right, or it doesn’t work for us.

It is important to learn again to listen to our hearts, our guts, and take notice of their wisdom. So next time you’re about to fall for the fact of the matter, just remember to stop and listen to that small inner voice – is it right or wrong for you? Let’s get to the heart of the matter.