Tag Archives: values

THE QUIET ACTIVISM OF LIVING YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE PLEASANTLY

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I was listening to an interview with one of my favourite people, Jon Stewart, who is a brilliant American satirist. The interviewer was commenting on his biting and funny assessments of Donald Trump and his administration, and asked him: ‘But what can the rest of us do, to stand up against this sort of behaviour?’

His reply? ‘Everyone can engage in the quiet activism of living your life pleasantly.’ It really struck a chord with me.

We so often feel helpless in the face of injustice, tyranny, bad behaviour. As ordinary people, we don’t feel we have any power to change things, or even challenge them. Yet the most powerful thing in the world is energy.

Think about it for a moment. We have all experienced the effect that one person can have on a roomful of people, negative or positive, when their energy is clear. And we have probably all been that person at some point: either putting people’s back up or being the life and soul of the party.

If more and more of us determine to live our lives pleasantly, the positive energy gets stronger and stronger, because it’s infectious. And there is less and less room for the negative energy in the world.

It’s not hard to live pleasantly: smiles instead of frowns, hello’s instead of ignoring others, thank you’s instead of taking small acts of kindness for granted.

It is a positive step we can all take to make a difference, and selfishly, we will feel better too. So next time you’re about to snap at someone, or treat them with indifference, be a quiet activist and be pleasant instead.

HUMANKIND

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Somehow, we seem to be in a phase where we are divided into separate camps and every camp believes that they are right and the others are wrong in some way. It seems to support the theory that human beings are essentially nasty, greedy, selfish.

This is made worse by the fact that the ‘news’ tells us all about the worst behaviours of ithers, and hardly mentions the myriad of acts of kindness and compassion that are also happening at the same time.

Yet just about everyone experiences, on a daily basis, the kind, unselfish, helpful aspects of other human beings through small acts of goodness. We don’t feel hatred or dismissiveness about those we know or make a connection with, and we don’t feel prejudice towards then on the basis of appearance, religion, politics or status.

And if all these people we know are ‘good people’, what on earth is the logic of assuming that most other people aren’t? Logic would tell us that the vast majority are just like us and our friends and family as human beings, doing our best to navigate our lives.

Maybe at this time of year we could decide to treat everyone as we would like to be treated and believe in the essential goodness of human nature. With that attitude, we humankind could change the world for ever and for better.

Have a kindly, joyous and peaceful Christmas break.

Di

A LIFE SPENT WELL

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I was listening to the commentary on the late pope when he died, and reflecting on how people are talked about by others after their death.

Above all, he was described as kind, meek, ready to speak out about injustice or cruelty – the wrongs in the world – and not egotistical. It was how he was as a person that as emphasised, not his role or achievements.

To me, this is a life spent well. We don’t need to achieve extraordinary things, we need to be the best person we can be, no matter what our circumstances, and we need to feel good abut how we have lived our lives.

It’s not what we do or achieve that others value us for, it’s how we are as a person: our behaviour, our attitudes, our way of going about things.

And this is something we can all work on and develop throughout our lives. We can ask ourselves if we are behaving with compassion or a lack of thought; if we are looking after ourselves as well as others or just barging on; if we call out unfairness and injustice or stand back and thereby silently endorse it; if we look for reasons to be optimistic and hopeful, or fall for the general pessimism about life and humans; if we are being the best we can be or we can’t be bothered.

I would like to believe that when I die, I can say that I have spent my life well, not because of what I have done, but because of how I have been, wouldn’t you?

‘I’VE BEEN WORKING FULL-TIME ON LIVING’

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A dear friend said this to me when I was bemoaning the fact that I hadn’t done much that day. What a perfect reframe for those days when neither your body nor your mind are up to doing much, so you read a bit, watch a movie, call someone up for a chat.

Actually, it’s a great way to look at your day-to-day life altogether. It puts a different value on everything you do because it poses the questions:

 ‘Is this a day when I listened to my own state?’

 ‘Have I felt good today, or have I pushed myself to do stuff?’

‘Have I taken pleasure in what I have done, or has it felt more like duty?’

 ‘Have I been doing, or have I been being?’

There are so many parts of our day-to-day living we don’t value, especially when retired or on holiday. Allowing ourselves a slow start to the morning, enjoying a wander round the garden, chatting with a neighbour, tidying out a messy drawer, doing some on a hobby we have, or just sitting with a good cup of coffee or glass of wine and being peaceful.

We feel as if we have to prove we have done something productive, ‘important’, so we don’t waste time.

Yet all these moments in a day have immense value for our spirits, our being, and need to be seen as such. Wouldn’t it be lovely to have positive answers to those questions I posed every single day! It would mean that we were doing a good job of living, the most important work we will ever do.

I am revising my assessment of my days to give value to all the times I feel good about my activity or inactivity, the times I feel like I’m living and being, not just doing. Care to join me?

THE HEART OF THE MATTER

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I was watching an interview with Maya Angelou a few weeks ago. She always expressed ideas with such beautiful eloquence, and she came out with one that really hit home for me.

The interviewer started a question by saying: ‘The fact of the matter is…’ and she interrupted him. ‘The facts of the matter are the who, what, where, when, how,’ she said. ‘But that does not tell you the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter is in the heart.’

I love that simple exposition of what really matters. It is our feelings, our values, our intuition, that take us towards the real truth. Being factually correct doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right, or good.

You often see this played out in police procedural dramas. All the evidence seems to point to a certain person, yet there is a detective who says, ‘This doesn’t feel right,’ and goes on to find the real perpetrator.

In our everyday lives, we can be bamboozled by facts and forget to take notice of our intuitive reaction, which tells us that it isn’t right, or it doesn’t work for us.

It is important to learn again to listen to our hearts, our guts, and take notice of their wisdom. So next time you’re about to fall for the fact of the matter, just remember to stop and listen to that small inner voice – is it right or wrong for you? Let’s get to the heart of the matter.

USEFUL BELIEFS

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We don’t usually realise how many beliefs we have that affect how we live our lives, because we don’t express them as beliefs, we state them as truths or facts. For example: no-one understands me; I always get ill in winter; there’s never enough time to do everything; don’t trust a stranger; God doesn’t exist. I’m sure you have your own list, if you stop and think about it!

You can usually spot them if you begin to notice where you have generalised: everyone, always, never, no-one, all, etc.

And these beliefs cause arguments, conflicts and even wars, when they are contrary to what others believe. This is because most people think their belief is the truth, so a belief that contradicts it must be false, and the other person is wrong and needs correcting.

The fact that different people can have contradictory beliefs surely raises questions about the truth or rightness of either side.

I think we need to rethink how we look at beliefs. What we forget is that we all filter our experience. We can’t absorb   or be conscious of everything that is going on, so we narrow the field, and the way we tend to do that is through our beliefs. We collect evidence that we are right but miss out evidence that might contradict that belief. For example, if I think that most people are unfriendly, I will notice when people frown at me or push past me, but not notice the people who smile at me, or hold the door for me.

And of course, our beliefs can directly affect us by causing us to limit our own behaviour, so we don’t step out of our fears, and our self-imposed restrictions.

The good news is that, once we become aware of the problem with our adopted beliefs, we can consciously change our filters and therefore our beliefs.

So the question to ask about beliefs we have is not, is it true or false, right or wrong, but is it a useful belief to have, one which enriches our lives and empowers us. Once we ask ourselves this question – is this a useful belief – we can begin to identify which beliefs we have that do help us to live our lives well and reinforce them by continuing to collect evidence. And we can begin to deliberately moderate our less useful beliefs by actively looking for evidence of something that would improve our lives instead.

This can be fun, as well as enlightening, so have a go. You may be pleasantly surprised.

STANDING UP TO A BULLY (OR TWO)

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I have a new hero – Volodymyr Zelensky. He is the one leader who had most to lose by refusing to be bullied, yet he did it.

Bullies are a scourge in society. They abuse what power they have, whether physical or political or hierarchical, to force others to act as they want them to. They use intimidation to get their own way and make others fear them. There are no redeeming features.

The only way to stop bullying is to stand up to them, and refuse to be intimidated. This takes courage – coming from the heart – and conviction. We somehow think that this is not possible, that they will get us some other way, but most bullies back down when their bullying doesn’t work, and others who have been bullied by them begin to stand with you when you make a stand. They can be stopped.

We have probably all encountered bullies in our lives: unpleasant people who lack intelligence, understanding and compassion. Often it is in childhood, when they haven’t yet learned that there is a more effective way to be in the world, and that can be forgiven – they may learn. But when they are grown men and women there is no excuse.

The best defence against bullies is developing a group of those similarly affected – you can only bully one at a time. Let’s hope that Zelensky discovers just how many others are willing to stand with him, and make the bully think again.

I believe that fairness, justice, courage, and straightforward goodness win out in the end. Let’s all send that belief into the world.

THE ARTS MATTER

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I watched a documentary by Melvyn Bragg a while ago. It was called ‘Art Matters’ and it gave compelling arguments for why we need to nurture our cultural life.

There were two that particularly caught my attention. The first was aimed at government. He pointed out that the arts contribute 6 per cent of our economy for a very small investment. How much more they could bring in if the grants for cultural projects had not been cut back to the bone!

The second was a reminder to all of us: the arts are a manifestation of imagination, whether it be a Shakespeare play or a pop song. Encouraging us to use our imagination, from early in childhood, and continuing to do so throughout our academic lives, is vital for our health and the health of our world.

Imagination is a way of connecting unlikely bedfellows and creating something different. We all have imagination, even if we don’t become great writers or artists.

Combining different tastes and textures to create a new meal; planting unusual combinations of flowers together; coming up with a different perspective on something – we do things like this a lot. And our dreams are always imaginative – how did Tom Cruise get to be at my birthday party?!

No matter what you look at in your home, someone imagined it and then designed and made it – how cool is that!

So encourage your imagination and that of your children – it could change the world.

IS TOTAL DESTRUCTION A DETERRENT?

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Years ago, I was an active member of CND (Campaign for Nuclar Disarmament). The argument that having nuclear weapons was a deterrent never made sense to me.

Recently, I watched documentaries, a movie and a drama series about the creation of the nuclear bomb and Oppenheimer’s role. All of these question its effectiveness as a deterrent, and leave you horrified (as was Oppenheimer), at the monster that had been created and unleashed.

There is also a recent documentary called ‘Atomic People’, where survivors of the bombs on Japan describe what happened in horrifying and heart-breaking detail. These same people set up an anti-nuclear group and have just won the Nobel Peace Prize for it.

Where does the twisted logic come from, that says possessing these weapons of mass destruction deters others from using them on us? How can there be a competition to see which country can amass more of these terrible weapons?

If just one is unleashed, our world is changed forever – they are far more powerful now than they were in the 1940’s.

There was a brief period when there was talk of disarmament, a moment when maybe common sense would prevail. Yet it came to nothing.

It is time we stood up again and said no to spending billions on renewing weapons which we all hope will never be used, and instead spend the money on saving lives and making our world a better place to live.

It is time that one country was brave enough to take the first step and disarm their nuclear weapons, recognising that they are a threat to all our lives and our world, not a deterrent.

WHAT WILL BE YOUR LEGACY?

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A legacy was originally a message, delivered by a legate. It was an important communication that needed to be delivered by someone trustworthy.

Nowadays we talk of legacies as being what you leave behind for others when you are no longer with them, either because you leave that place of work or die.

If we were to revert to its original meaning, we would be more accurate, because we don’t usually talk about the wealth or possessions someone has left when they die, we talk about what their message, their impact was.

Our legacy will be what people remember about us when we are no longer there. It’s our personality traits, our effect on others that will be recalled.

Think about it for a moment. It is those who have taught you to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself and others who have given you their legacy. It is those who have encouraged you to develop the strengths you have and use them well who have given you their legacy. It is those who have shown you useful ways of making life better who have given you their legacy. It is those who have made the world a better place who have given you their legacy.

Mahatma Ghandi said, ‘My life is my message’. It is true for all of us. So make the best you can of your life, and leave a lasting, ,lovely legacy – it is priceless.