Tag Archives: values

WHY DON’T THEY LISTEN?

Every year there is a meeting in Davos where the rich, the top business people and politicians from around the world gather. It is seen as an opportunity to lobby for vested interests, to discuss possible trade deals etc, the elite talking to the elite.

This year, there was something that was hardly mentioned in the mainstream media. A coterie of British millionaires, who call themselves Patriotic Millionaires UK, implored the government to introduce a wealth tax of 2 per cent, which would raise £22 billion a year and could contribute significantly to funding our deteriorating public services.

Why don’t they listen? Is it because the millionaires in our government aren’t patriotic? Or are they listening to the greedy millionaires who avoid tax as much as they can? Do they think that they would lose votes from ordinary people because of doing it?

It is a puzzle to me that this easy win is not being taken up, either by the present government or as a policy by the opposition. It makes me wonder if there is any hope at all for common sense in politics.

Isn’t it time that hopeful, thoughtful voices were heard loud and clear in our democracy? There are solutions, they just seem to be ignored.

(By the way, I read about this in the magazine Positive News, which I’ve mentioned before. If you would like to know about some of the good things that are happening in our world, instead of all the doom and gloom, do consider subscribing).

BE HAPPY

I wanted to write something inspirational to end the year, despite all the problems in the world. Then my friend Rebecca sent me a copy of this speech by Pope Francis from several years ago. I can’t better this!

‘You may have defects, be anxious and sometimes live irritated, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can prevent it from going into decline. There are many that need you, admire you and love you.

I would like to remind you that being happy is not having a sky without storms, or roads without accidents, or work without fatigue, or relationships without disappointments.
Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in one’s battles, security at the stage of fear, love in disagreements.

Being happy is not only to treasure the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It is not just commemorating the event, but also learning lessons in failures. It is not just having joy with the applause, but also having joy in anonymity.

Being happy is to recognise that it is worthwhile to live, despite all the challenges, misunderstandings and times of crises. Being happy is not inevitable fate, but a victory for those who can travel towards it with your own being.

Being happy is to stop being a victim of problems but become an actor in history itself. It is not only to cross the deserts outside of ourselves, but still more, to be able to find an oasis in the recesses of our soul. It is to thank God every morning for the miracle of life.

Being happy is not being afraid of one’s feelings. It is to know how to talk about ourselves. It is to bear it with courage when hearing a “no”. It is to have the security to receive criticism, even if it is unfair. It is to kiss the children, pamper the parents, have poetic moments with friends, even if they have hurt us.

Being happy means allowing the free, happy and simple child inside each of us to live; having the maturity to say, “I was wrong”; having the audacity to say, “forgive me”. It is to have sensitivity in expressing, “I need you”; to have the ability of saying, “I love you.”

Thus your life becomes a garden full of opportunities for being happy…

In your spring-time, may you become a lover of joy. In your winter, may you become a friend of wisdom. And when you go wrong along the way, you start all over again. Thus you will be more passionate about life.

And you will find that happiness is not about having a perfect life but about using tears to water tolerance, losses to refine patience, failures to carve serenity, pain to lapidate pleasure, obstacles to open the windows of intelligence.

Never give up …. never give up on the people you love. Never give up on being happy because life is an incredible show.

And you are a special human being!’

Have a peaceful and happy Christmas.

THE BASICS

It is impossible to enable people to thrive and be the best they can be without the basics that allow us to live to our universal values. I can’t quite believe that we haven’t found a way to ensure that everyone has these fundamental needs met in our so-called civilised democracy.

We take these things for granted if we have them, but they are pre-requisites if we want to be able to move beyond mere survival as being all we think or care about.

  1. A place to call home. Everyone needs some form of shelter where they can be safe, keep their belongings, sleep, cook their food, keep themselves clean and be warm.
  2. Enough to eat and drink. There is an excess of food in the world, yet people are going hungry and doing without a warm drink.
  3. Access to healthcare. When the NHS was set up in this country, it transformed people’s lives. Now it is under-funded and over-stretched. Yet access to healthcare enables people to stay healthy and earn their living or care for their family.
  4. Education and training. It is proven that people will use their talents to improve their lives if we ensure that they have the opportunity to develop in their own way. Again, we have a good education system, but it is biased towards those who are academic, rather than those who have other forms of talent.
  5. Work that gives people recognition for what they can do and a fair wage. In this day and age, no-one should have to do two jobs with no security of tenure and still not be able to have a reasonable standard of living.
  6. A benefits and care system that supports those who can’t make their own way. There should always be a strong safety net for those who, for whatever reason, cannot be totally independent.

All this may sound like a utopia when we look at it from where we are now, yet it is both possible and essential, if we are to be a place where people have hope and can thrive. It is proven to be possible because all these aspects of thriving as a society have been put into practice in small pockets at different times and places. We could all learn well from some of our history.

It is also essential because without these fundamentals, we cannot hope for a thriving economy, where people can have the opportunity to make their contribution and have dignity and respect.

We live in the 21st century. It is time we learned how to be truly civilised and compassionate, and give everyone a chance to thrive.

This feels like common sense to me – isn’t it time we started to ask our governments to sort out the basics, so we can all thrive?

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES PART TWO

In my last blog I explored the values and principles that drive our thoughts and reactions. In this one, I want to look at those which drive our behaviour with others.

There is one principle that underlies everything else: treat others as you would wish to be treated. This gives us all a simple guide to our behaviour with others – we all know how we wish to be treated. Just applying this principle would put an end to unfairness, nastiness, disrespect, discrimination, injustice, because none of us wish to experience these behaviours from others.

There are four main values it implies. He first is fairness. This means giving others the opportunity to be the best they can be. It is often called a level playing field, and that means being able to start with the same advantages and disadvantages as everyone else. It also means, on a direct personal level, giving others the chance to explain, express their views, be heard.

Secondly there is respect. This means appreciating differences rather than criticising them. It also means what my parents called ‘manners’ – not being rude or dismissive.

Thirdly there is trustworthiness. This means doing what you’ve said you’ll do, keeping your word. It also implies keeping confidences and not being a gossip.

And finally there is compassion. This is when you bring your heart into the situation. It is offering kindness rather than judgement.

And all of these require that we communicate with others. This word means finding what we have that we share, by talking, listening and observing, our common humanity. We do that by real face-to-face conversations, not through texts or emails. Everyone has a story, and we enrich our world by hearing each other’s stories.

Al this is obvious, isn’t it? We almost all intend to live by these principles and values on a personal level. Yet this is not how our world seems to work.

It is time we translated all this into demands for a better world, one that would work for the majority, not just the few.

What does that mean? I have some suggestions – next blog…

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES – PART ONE

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES – PART ONE

I want to start by looking at the values which are about how we think and react, whether to others, situations or just internally.

I’ll begin with being honest. This means more than just being truthful. It also implies not committing the sin of omission: hoping no-one will realise if we don’t tell them. If you’re honest, you own up if you have made a mistake or done something wrong, you say if you don’t agree with something (without being unpleasant), you don’t try to hide either weaknesses or strengths.

This links to integrity which really means being true to yourself. It implies being clear about your values, and not compromising them, but it also means being aligned: your heart and your mind being in accord with each other.

Then when we look at how we think and react, three more strong principles come into play. Firstly there is learning. As humans we constantly learn if we want to continue to develop[ ourselves to be at our best. This means that we do our best not to repeat mistakes form the past, and look at how we might handle things better this time.

Secondly there is the principle of looking forward as well as backward. This means considering the consequences of our actions and reactions before we do anything. It implies avoiding knee-jerk reactions and short-termism.

Thirdly there is the principle of applying common sense to a situation. (I often think common sense is anything but common!) It means distinguishing between what matters and when you’ve just got a bee in your bonnet. It requires stepping back and gaining perspective. It also means being practical: we may want to change the world but we can only do it one step at a time.

Now you may already have thought of something in this category that I have missed – these are only my thoughts, gleaned from working with people over the years. Yet, oh my God, the world would change immediately if we all consistently lived to these values and principles.. and we can choose to do so, if we wish.

CAN WE BECOME SANE AGAIN?

Over the years I have worked with thousands of people, from all sorts of backgrounds, in all sorts of jobs. When asked about the values and principles they believe would bring out the best in them and others, they almost always came up with the same things – what I would call the universal values and principles.

Yet we live in a world where these values and principles are not the driving force. Instead, we have developed culturally an ethos of greed, inequity, discrimination, short-termism, deceit and self-interest – the opposites of what people say would allow us to be at our best.

It doesn’t match what people would prefer and it brings out the worst in people – it’s as if things have turned upside down. I think that it is the result of capitalism gone mad. I’m not saying that capitalism is wrong – just that it has led to a selfish, greedy materialistic way of doing things, and however much people would prefer a different way, we feel as if we have to behave similarly if we are going to ‘get on’.

But most of us are no longer ‘getting on’. More and more people are struggling just to get by, while the rich 1% get richer. More people are homeless while a few have several homes to choose from. More people are working harder than ever for not enough reward or recognition. And most of our systems to support people are crumbling from chronic underfunding.

None of it makes sense. We thrive when there is kindness, co-operation, fair treatment, support when we need it. so how can we thrive in this insane world as it stands?

I think it is time we reasserted those values that help people to be the best they can be. We need to stand up for common sense, for the general good, for a chance to thrive.

It is surely possible to revert to our true nature and live in a world where everyone’s basic needs were met, where people were treated with respect, where fairness and honesty were the rule, not the exception.

Over the next few blogs I want to explore what those universal values and principles mean in practice, and then ask you: will you join me in standing up for them and help to make the world sane again.

BEHAVING WITH DIGNITY

In this country, we have just had an example of someone behaving without any dignity at all – our soon-to-be ex-prime minister if you haven’t guessed who I mean! His resignation speech was boastful, full of blame on other people, defiant and without an ounce of recognition for what had brought him to this place in his ‘reign’.

It made me think about what behaving with dignity really means, because it sounds rather worthy and proper, and those are adjectives I tend not to apply, certainly to myself! And I reckon dignity is a quality that is appropriate in certain situations, rather than a quality that we demonstrate all the time. (This may be true of all possible qualities).

So when do we behave with dignity? Certainly in defeat. If we have lost the argument, it is time to admit it, and allow the other person their victory without recrimination. It also applies when we are conducting that argument: we can make our case strongly, but it is undignified to cast aspersions on the other person’s personality, and personalise the argument. Dignity is a form of acceptance of how things are, whether you believe they are right or wrong.

Dignity is also about not being shamed or shaming others. That is why we talk about allowing people to die with dignity. It is making sure that others don’t feel bad about themselves.

I think there is one more aspect to dignity. It is about behaving appropriately when the circumstances are solemn, serious, important. No-one in a court setting wants someone to stand up and say, ‘Well this is a laugh isn’t it!’

Now I am not a person who would be described by others as dignified, but I do hope that when the circumstances demand it, I do behave with dignity. Please let me know if I fail!!

WHOSE APPROVAL DO YOU SEEK?

I saw an interview with Whoopi Goldberg, where she was asked this question. She replied without hesitation, ‘Only my own.’ It made me think about how much approval from others can shape how we behave.

It starts when we are little. We seek approval from our parents because that is a good way of making sure they look after us when we need that care. If they approve of our behaviour we are praised for being a good boy or girl, rather than scolded. And that can be a massive hangover in our adult life, where we mirror that behaviour without even being aware of it. Even now, on the day my cleaners have been, I often say, ‘ Look Mummy – my house is clean and tidy like yours always was.’ (The rest of the time of course it’s pretty chaotic – I didn’t exactly adopt the habit!)

Then there are teachers who give us better reports if we behave well. And peer groups who let us be part of the gang if we follow their norms – and these two influences can be quite contradictory!

As we begin to grow up, we do tend to establish our own norms and values, but we often still seek approval, from partners, friends, family, and those we admire.

It is hard to separate out what our true own values are, and which we just try to match for the sake of approval from others.

I do believe I could answer the question as Whoopi Goldberg did, although I had to think it through first! I enjoy and appreciate it when I do get approval from others I love and admire, but it doesn’t drive my behaviour – it’s an added bonus rather than something I aim for.

What about you? Whose approval do you seek?

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

I watched a documentary on Bruce Springsteen a few days ago, and he said something that really made me think. He was talking about his life and he said that when he was first rich and famous, he had unlimited choices, but it didn’t bring happiness or contentment.

Then as he grew older, and perhaps wiser, he realised that unlimited choice isn’t freedom. Freedom of choice is being clear about your values and being able to choose in line with them.

It was the reminder that being able to buy anything, go anywhere, do anything you fancy, is not the answer to our innate deist=re to feel good about life. Acting in accord with our values feels so much better.

And that requires that we are clear about what really matters to us. We have to sort out what those values are, and do everything we can to live by them. (One of the effects of the lockdowns during the pandemic was to make us realise how much we need connection with others for example).

This isn’t an easy thing to do: we are influenced by upbringing, education, culture, the media, those close to us; and those influences can obfuscate our own values. We need to sit down and explore what really matters to us.

One way we can do that is to begin to notice the difference between the temporary pleasures that quickly wear off, such as the latest i-phone, getting one over on someone else, and expensive meal in a posh restaurant. Then there are the things that continue to make us feel good: being a good friend to someone, that sweater that is old but you love it, being kind rather than right.

We all make choices sometimes that don’t feed our soul, but let’s see how much more often we can make the choices that build our own freedom.

THERE ARE REASONS TO BE OPTIMISTIC

In amongst all the depressing news last week, the UN gave an award to David Attenborough – Champion of the Earth. It was a lovely recognition of all that he has done to advocate caring for our environment, and in his acceptance speech, he talked about the resurgence of whales, as an illustration of the value of continuing to campaign to reverse the damage we have previously done.

He pointed out that the population of whales had been devastated by hunting, yet now there are more than there have ever been in our lifetime.

It reminded me that we need to find reasons to be optimistic, and that things change for the better over a long period – it doesn’t happen overnight as a rule.

So, reasons to be optimistic:

  • We have all got better at recycling and re-using
  • Many have reduced their meat eating and turned to vegetarian options
  • The war in Ukraine is forcing countries to look at becoming more self-sufficient in energy, and work harder on developing green energy options
  • Younger generations are more aware of environmental concerns than most of us were when I was young
  • And on a different note, our governments may not be good, but their behaviour is now exposed for all to know

And I know there are more!

So let’s keep doing what we can to keep these trends going, and encourage others to do the same, because change for the better does happen.

When so many dire things are happening right now, it’s vital to find reasons to be optimistic.