Tag Archives: perspective

BE HAPPY

Ways of Remembering, , ,

I wanted to write something inspirational to end the year, despite all the problems in the world. Then my friend Rebecca sent me a copy of this speech by Pope Francis from several years ago. I can’t better this!

‘You may have defects, be anxious and sometimes live irritated, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can prevent it from going into decline. There are many that need you, admire you and love you.

I would like to remind you that being happy is not having a sky without storms, or roads without accidents, or work without fatigue, or relationships without disappointments.
Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in one’s battles, security at the stage of fear, love in disagreements.

Being happy is not only to treasure the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It is not just commemorating the event, but also learning lessons in failures. It is not just having joy with the applause, but also having joy in anonymity.

Being happy is to recognise that it is worthwhile to live, despite all the challenges, misunderstandings and times of crises. Being happy is not inevitable fate, but a victory for those who can travel towards it with your own being.

Being happy is to stop being a victim of problems but become an actor in history itself. It is not only to cross the deserts outside of ourselves, but still more, to be able to find an oasis in the recesses of our soul. It is to thank God every morning for the miracle of life.

Being happy is not being afraid of one’s feelings. It is to know how to talk about ourselves. It is to bear it with courage when hearing a “no”. It is to have the security to receive criticism, even if it is unfair. It is to kiss the children, pamper the parents, have poetic moments with friends, even if they have hurt us.

Being happy means allowing the free, happy and simple child inside each of us to live; having the maturity to say, “I was wrong”; having the audacity to say, “forgive me”. It is to have sensitivity in expressing, “I need you”; to have the ability of saying, “I love you.”

Thus your life becomes a garden full of opportunities for being happy…

In your spring-time, may you become a lover of joy. In your winter, may you become a friend of wisdom. And when you go wrong along the way, you start all over again. Thus you will be more passionate about life.

And you will find that happiness is not about having a perfect life but about using tears to water tolerance, losses to refine patience, failures to carve serenity, pain to lapidate pleasure, obstacles to open the windows of intelligence.

Never give up …. never give up on the people you love. Never give up on being happy because life is an incredible show.

And you are a special human being!’

Have a peaceful and happy Christmas.

GOING OUTSIDE

Ways of Remembering, ,

It’s easy to go outside when we are on holiday. No-one goes somewhere lovely for a break and then stays inside, do they? I’ve been on Maui for a couple of weeks and have spent most of my waking hours outside.

It’s made me realise how important that breath of fresh air, that time in nature is. Being in nature, even in our own garden or a park, is automatically revitalising. And just being outside in the world helps us to regain perspective, taker a few deep breaths.

I don’t mean a quick walk to the local shop with our phone in hand, thinking about what we need to buy, what we have to do. I mean the saunter to the shop, round the block, or even round the garden, when you notice the flowers, shrubs, bird call, clouds in the sky.

It doesn’t need to be a major expedition – just fifteen minutes will help – which is just as well if you live somewhere like England, with our unpredictable weather!

It’s so easy to get caught in a routine of going from home to car to workplace and back again, without really going outside. And in winter it’s tempting to stay in the warm rather than venturing outside.

But I came back from Maui determined to ensure that I do take that step outside, even on the worst of days. It’s too good for my spirits for me to deprive myself of it. Try it and see, if you don’t already.

THE VALUE OF REMEMBERING

Ways of Remembering, ,

Okay, I’m not talking about memory tests here: did I remember to get something out of the freezer, or someone’s birthday. Those things are really recall – did I keep that in the front of my mind.

I’m talking about those memories that pop up sometimes because something reminds us of them. For example, we may hear a song on the radio, or see an old-fashioned sweet in a shop, or watch a programme about a place we have visited. This is rich remembering for several reasons.

It tends to have detail that we weren’t conscious of absorbing at the time. So a song may make us think of particular people, places, moods and feelings. Or a sweet may evoke a whole period of our childhood.

Remembering also gives us a chance to review the significance of things in our past. It may have seemed catastrophic at the time, yet now we can laugh at it. or it may have seemed unimportant, yet now we can see how it helped us to grow in some way or played a part in a bigger pattern in our lives.

Remembering is putting things back together, joining them up. It means that we put singular events into a bigger context, the context of our whole lives till now.

Remembering helps us to value and understand who we are and how we’ve developed. It helps us to let ourselves i=off, so we don’t feel bad about things in our past: ‘I was only a youngster’, or ‘that was pretty awful, no wonder I felt like that’.

And above all, it can be delightful to remember times when we felt happy, had fun, enjoyed our lives – it brings back those same feelings.

So enjoy those times when you reminisce, on your own or with others, and even prompt it sometimes to remind yourself of the richness of your life.

DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Ways of Remembering, ,

Last week, my son took me to Winchester for an overnight stay. We had a lovely time, looking round a different city, and spending enjoyable time together. It reminded me that doing something different really livens up your life.

It is so easy to fall into habits of doing the same old thing: cook the same meals; do laundry on the same day; visit the same places; spend the weekend doing the same routine – the list goes on and on.

There’s nothing wrong with having habitual pattens. They often allow us some time on automatic pilot, no great effort required. It can be almost restful, with no need to think about it.

And once in a while, it’s really good for us to do something different. It livens up our day, stimulates our mind and energy.

This doesn’t have to be something momentous, just something different in the normal week. Examples might be: buying or growing a different plant for the garden; choosing to make a different meal or buying something you don’t usually have from the supermarket; arranging to meet a friend at a coffee shop instead of at home; watching a tv programme you wouldn’t normally choose; phoning someone you haven’t spoken to for ages.

This is a great way to keep life interesting, so you’re not stuck in a rut. Sometimes the experiment doesn’t work out, but that’s OK – it still broke the spell of habit for a while. And often it’s a way of adding in something different to your everyday that may even become another useful habit!

DEALING WITH FEAR

Ways of Remembering, ,

We all experience fear, but we rarely stop and think about what it is about. It can be an acronym for False Events Appearing Real – which gives us a clue: most of our fear is of something in the future that hasn’t happened yet.

While we’re in fear, we are incapable of being rational about it: we’re in fight or flight mode, and our logic shuts down. However, we could look at the evidence after the predicted event, and if we do, we begin to realise how often our fears are unfounded. Sometimes the event doesn’t happen at all, sometimes it is much better than we had expected, and yes, occasionally we were right. So the first way of counteracting our tendency to fear is to begin to check up how many times it was inaccurate.

And when our fear was justified? It is worth reviewing our own actions and reactions when we could see it coming true. Sometimes we ‘cause’ the fear to be real by the way we approach the situation. We are in the fight or flight mode and we give off the vibes of someone in fear. This can make us combatant or wary or anxious. Others involved may pick up on that unconsciously and so react accordingly. And even when there is no-one else involved, we can be clumsy or a bit stupid. Fearing slipping over in the snow almost inevitably makes me mis-step and fall over!

Of course, it is right to feel fear sometimes, but mostly it just makes things worse. It is bad for our health and makes life harder. We can counteract it, we can teach ourselves to stop it before it gets a hold, and our lives will be better for it.

A TIME OF RENEWAL

Ways of Remembering,

As a child, I didn’t understand why spring was linked with cleaning and clearing. My mum always did a spring clean: cupboards were cleared out, skirting boards were wiped down, windows and mirrors were polished, and she did it all with vigour and enthusiasm.

Now I understand more. There is something in the air when spring gets underway. It is warmer, there is more daylight, and everywhere you look there are fresh greens: leaves, shoots and buds. There whole world feels as if it is bursting into life again, after the dormancy of winter.

It infuses us with energy if we spend any time in nature. Our sap rises as well, so to speak, and it reminds us that everything can be refreshed and renewed. We somehow want to match the way nature regenerates itself, which prompts us to refresh our homes, our lives.

I love playing my part in making it happen, planting seeds and watching them germinate and grow into the vegetables and flowers I will enjoy all year. And I also get the urge to clear out that cupboard I’ve been ignoring, throw out some old clothes, remove some clutter – do a bit of a spring clean!

Nature tells us it’s a time of renewal. Let’s follow her example and refresh some aspect of our lives, using that spring energy to make life better in some way.

KINDNESS

Ways of Remembering, ,

It seems right to remind ourselves at this time of year that there is a lot of kindness in people. The news is full of disaster, woes, hardship, and it is easy to feel that that is all there is.

Yet every day I experience or witness acts of kindness – it is a constant. It may be something apparently small: someone reaching a tin from the top shelves of a supermarket for another who can’t reach there; or it may be a big act of generosity and thoughtfulness, like funding free school meals for a year, so children get at least one hot meal a day.

It doesn’t matter. They all add up to a lot of kindness in the world and it is important to remember this, and put it into the balance against the incompetence, cruelty and difficulties so many face.

So let’s play our part. Whenever we can, let us add our small acts of kindness to the balance. And when others show us kindness, let us fully appreciate it and not take it for granted.

It will help us all to feel better and keep our faith that things can improve. May you have a joyous peaceful Christmas, and may 2023 bring better times, with even more kindness and compassion.

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES – PART ONE

Ways of Remembering, ,

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES – PART ONE

I want to start by looking at the values which are about how we think and react, whether to others, situations or just internally.

I’ll begin with being honest. This means more than just being truthful. It also implies not committing the sin of omission: hoping no-one will realise if we don’t tell them. If you’re honest, you own up if you have made a mistake or done something wrong, you say if you don’t agree with something (without being unpleasant), you don’t try to hide either weaknesses or strengths.

This links to integrity which really means being true to yourself. It implies being clear about your values, and not compromising them, but it also means being aligned: your heart and your mind being in accord with each other.

Then when we look at how we think and react, three more strong principles come into play. Firstly there is learning. As humans we constantly learn if we want to continue to develop[ ourselves to be at our best. This means that we do our best not to repeat mistakes form the past, and look at how we might handle things better this time.

Secondly there is the principle of looking forward as well as backward. This means considering the consequences of our actions and reactions before we do anything. It implies avoiding knee-jerk reactions and short-termism.

Thirdly there is the principle of applying common sense to a situation. (I often think common sense is anything but common!) It means distinguishing between what matters and when you’ve just got a bee in your bonnet. It requires stepping back and gaining perspective. It also means being practical: we may want to change the world but we can only do it one step at a time.

Now you may already have thought of something in this category that I have missed – these are only my thoughts, gleaned from working with people over the years. Yet, oh my God, the world would change immediately if we all consistently lived to these values and principles.. and we can choose to do so, if we wish.

LOOKING FOR THE CHINKS OF LIGHT

Ways of Remembering, , ,

We are living in tough times. There is far more bad news than good – one thing after another seems to pile on the agony, in the world, in our country, even in our own lives.

It is easy to feel despair, but that doesn’t help anything. We need to look for the chinks of light. And in the midst of all this, they do still shine through.

In the world, the West is still supporting Ukraine, which may be politically motivated, but is better than has been managed in the past, when countries under attack have not been helped in any significant way. And the problems with gas supply have pushed many countries to move more quickly on installing renewable energy, which will help our planet.

In this country, the government is doing some terrible things, but at least it has stepped in to help with the cost of living crisis. We may not agree with their method or their philosophy, but it will help people to have more of a chance of paying their bills.

And above all, individual people bring chinks of light into our lives, with their kindness and thoughtfulness, their sense of humour despite everything, their warmth and affection.

Let’s keep looking for these chinks of light, and giving them to others whenever we can. It’s what will bring us through

DISRUPTION AND DISTRACTION

Ways of Remembering, ,

I am in the midst of disruption in my personal life – having a new kitchen fitted! It has made me think about what disruption is. The word originally means something that breaks you away from your normal patterns and routines.

I am not good at dealing with disruption, and I don’t know anyone who is, but on reflection, I realise with hindsight that often a disruption in my everyday life has had some positive outcomes, breaking some of my less useful patterns and making me reconsider what really matters.

A good example of this would be the lockdowns during the pandemic, when all our lives were disrupted. At the time it was difficult for most people, but it certainly made us aware of how important our connections with others are, and of the simple things in life we can get pleasure from.

On the other hand, there is distraction. I have been using distractions to help me cope with the disruption. Distraction means originally something that pulls you away from whatever is going on.

I have done jigsaws, worked on the garden, watched movies, because they all take up my attention and give me space from my busy mind. So distractions can be very useful for alleviating the effects of disruption and it is worth having that list of what works for you.

And of course, they can also have a downside. Sometimes we use distractions to avoid things we know we need to confront or get on with.

At present I am using distractions to help, and I hope to find the positive outcomes – besides a new kitchen! – in the coming weeks. I also hope that I will remember the plus’s and minuses of disruption and distraction so that I use them well in the future.

What about you? How do you manage disruption and use distraction?