Tag Archives: self-care

THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY SOCIAL MEDIA

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There is a lot in the news recently about the harm social media can do. The concentration is on the harm to children, and rightly. Young people do not have the wherewithal to make distinctions between true and false, real and artificial, helpful and harmful. But that damage is also happening to all those adults who have become addicted to their social media feeds. In fact, feeds is an excellent description for the way social media works.

I came across a brilliant analogy for it recently: following social media is like eating ultra-processed food. It is deliberately made to be tasty, addictive, and easy to swallow. Nutrients are few and you are left wanting more. The effect on our bodies and health is disastrous.

Social media is in bite-sized, easy to swallow pieces, with the desire for more of the same built in and easily accessible. It is reduced down from a story with a context to a headline designed to grab your attention – and that is if there is any truth in it at all! It is disastrous for your mental health.

The potential of social media for good is enormous. It could help people to be more informed easily, and give us access to a bigger picture of what’s going on in the world. Instead, it is primarily geared to creating more profit for those who own the platforms, by hooking you in with its algorhythms, feeding you with momentary tastes that you will want more of.

Don’t allow it to dominate your view of the world. Look up and around, and appreciate the healthier perspectives that exist. Read, talk, look for difference not the same, and take time to enjoy life and the world we really live in.

TRUST YOUR BODY RATHER THAN YOUR MIND

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Our minds are great collectors of stories about what’s right or wrong for us, good or bad. Most of those stories don’t come from our own experience, but from our cultures, our upbringing, the media.

And many of the stories are fear-inducing, to keep us from stepping out of line – all the things that could go wrong if we do. This is not generally useful to us. It’s the equivalent of saying to a young child, ‘Don’t wobble or you’ll fall off, when they want to walk along a garden wall – they inevitably wobble!

The more useful alternative is to listen to our inner knowing, our gut reaction. Gut reaction is not a myth. We have neuro-transmitters in our guts and in our hearts as well as in our brains, and these are more accurate at identifying what does or doesn’t work for us at this time. This happens before the message gets  sent to our mind and put through the filter of those stories.

You will have felt the bodily reaction when you have a spontaneous ‘yes’ to something, a felling of expansion and lightness. You will also have felt the bodily reaction when you say yes because you can’t put your finger on why not, a feeling of contraction and tightening.

We know our intuition is accurate, yet we let our heads rule, because we’ve been trained to.

So let’s listen more to our bodies instead of our minds, and trust our own intuition. It is so much more useful.

TIME AND MOTION OR HUMAN?

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There was a period in the 1950’s and 60’s when organisations were obsessed with time and motion studies, to supposedly improve efficiency and productivity. The researchers observed people at work and recorded how they wasted time and moved unnecessarily, then making recommendations to reduce their ‘waste’. It certainly had an impact, but not the desired one.

They had missed one vital element out of the equation: these were not robots, they were humans. To be effective as human beings, we need to interact, be comfortable, stop sometimes and take a break, and feel good about what we are doing.

Yet sometimes we all do a time and motion study on ourselves. We set ourselves inherently impossible targets and then feel bad because we don’t achieve them, but we have forgotten to take into account the fact we are human.

It may seem logical to assume we can deal with 50 emails in an hour – after all, some of them will just need to be deleted. However, it’s a very boring task, and it only takes one that’s more complex to deal with to put us off, make us decide we need a cup of coffee, or that something else is more important.

The same thing applies to cleaning the whole house, weeding the back garden, writing the whole report in one go. Logically, they needn’t take long, but we’re human, and feelings also come into it.

There is an alternative. Set yourself a target that is easy to achieve in a small amount of time. And we are often so pleased with ourselves that we go beyond the target and feel even more chuffed!

Allow yourself time for breaks, for not really being in the mood, for having a chat with someone, and you will get more done and feel better about it.

You’re not a machine, so allow yourself to be human.

ATELIC ACTIVITIES

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I have an extensive vocabulary, but I have never before come across the word atelic. It means doing something for its own sake, with no particular outcome or purpose in mind, just for the enjoyment of doing it. I love it! it’s the opposite of an instrumental activity, something you do to achieve something.

For example, are you going for a walk to keep fit or to exercise the dog – instrumental – or are you going for a walk because you enjoy it for its own sake. It could well be the same walk, but it has very different flavours.

When we engage ins something in an atelic way, we give ourselves fully to the experience. We aren’t thinking about what to have for dinner, or what we need to do when we get home, or how quickly we can get this over with. We are there, present with the experience, paying attention to it. This not only makes it more enjoyable, it also quiets our mind and gives us respite from our normal busyness.

This is such a simple shift of perspective, which we experience once in a while, maybe while watching a good movie, or doing a hobby we love.

But we could experience it every day, giving ourselves a break for half an hour by doing something we enjoy for its own sake.

What a lovely way to improve our wellbeing, our lives, and so simple!

A LIFE SPENT WELL

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I was listening to the commentary on the late pope when he died, and reflecting on how people are talked about by others after their death.

Above all, he was described as kind, meek, ready to speak out about injustice or cruelty – the wrongs in the world – and not egotistical. It was how he was as a person that as emphasised, not his role or achievements.

To me, this is a life spent well. We don’t need to achieve extraordinary things, we need to be the best person we can be, no matter what our circumstances, and we need to feel good abut how we have lived our lives.

It’s not what we do or achieve that others value us for, it’s how we are as a person: our behaviour, our attitudes, our way of going about things.

And this is something we can all work on and develop throughout our lives. We can ask ourselves if we are behaving with compassion or a lack of thought; if we are looking after ourselves as well as others or just barging on; if we call out unfairness and injustice or stand back and thereby silently endorse it; if we look for reasons to be optimistic and hopeful, or fall for the general pessimism about life and humans; if we are being the best we can be or we can’t be bothered.

I would like to believe that when I die, I can say that I have spent my life well, not because of what I have done, but because of how I have been, wouldn’t you?

THE LOVE HORMONE

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This is not some new supplement that we need to go out and buy. Its name is oxytocin, and we produce it naturally, whenever we feel love or connection, with other people, or with nature, animals etc., and lots when we hug.

It is a magical potion for us, improving our health and well-being, without any effort on our part. It improves our digestive system, it speeds up wound healing and it’s very good for the heart, so it’s a prevalent hormone throughout our bodies, and very busy looking after us!

Oxytocin also affects how we view other people. It makes us warmer towards others, more generous, and more trusting, which in turn improves our relationships with others and produces yet more of the hormone, not just in us, but also in them.

And it’s so easy to create all those great effects: any heart-centred gentleness, kindness, or affection does it automatically. So why wouldn’t we hug our friends, and family, love our pets, nurture our plants? It’s the perfect selfish act!

So next time you hesitate before giving someone a hug, get in there. Next time you get impatient at the checkout, smile at the till operator instead. Next time you’re out walking, stop and stroke a tree trunk, smell a flower. It will keep you healthy and happy.

(Thanks to David Hamilton for doing the research on this topic)

BUILDING UP YOUR ENERGY RESERVES

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We may pay attention to our physical fitness, or be aware of our mental health, but we don’t usually take great care of the foundational building blocks for both of these – our energy reserves.

This is something we can have control over, because we all know what increases our energy and what depletes it.

Energy is our life force. It feeds us physically, mentally and emotionally. And building it in ourselves is literally vital.

The ways we increase our energy is quite individual. We probably all benefit from a good night’s sleep, and healthy food, but then it needs to be tailor-made. Some feel better after an invigorating shower, others after a long soak in the bath. Some thrive on a session in the gym, others on a stroll in the park. The company of some people enlivens you, the company of others drains you. And we all have the things we love doing that makes us feel good, and those things that we have to push ourselves to do.

What we can all do is to become more aware of what increases our energy reserves and what leaves us with an energy deficit. If we feed into our lives as many things as possible to enhance our energy, it is easier to handle the times when we’re being somewhat drained – we have spare capacity, rather than running on empty.

And it doesn’t have to be difficult, complicated or time-consuming. It can be just five minutes sitting quietly, or watching something that makes us laugh (laughter is a great energy-giver), or treating yourself to the right piece of cake at the right time, or watching the birds at the bird feeder for a minute or two.

If we get in the habit of allowing ourselves to enjoy those little things that boost our energy, we automatically help ourselves to stay healthier, in every sense, and improve our lives.

So boost your energy in some simple ways today – and every day!

BALANCE

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It’s a new year. When we look back over the previous year, it gives us a starting point for the new one.

What did you spend too much time on, and what was neglected as a consequence? What made you anxious, and how can you alleviate that? What stressed you and how can you reduce that stress? What made you feel good and how can you have more of that? How did you care for yourself and how can you give yourself even more of that?

These types of questions prompt us into noticing how we can improve our lives for this year and shift the balance towards a happier, more comfortable time. They take us towards small easy steps we can take to make life better for ourselves.

Of course, there will always be unavoidable ups and owns in our lives, good days and bad days. I don’t believe anyone has a perfect life, or a perfect attitude towards whatever happens.

But we can all appreciate more the good days we have (and normally add a few more with a shift in attitude!), and we can all think of better ways to handle those days that feel tough, or at least offset the toughness with more kindness towards ourselves.

When we find more balance, more equilibrium in our lives, we not only feel better, we are also nicer people to be around, and we receive more of the friendship and support that we all need – it’s a virtuous circle.

So come on, let’s find some more balance in our lives, and make it easier for ourselves as we do so. We deserve it!

Happy New Year..

A LITTLE BIT OF PEACE

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This seems to have been a year of conflict and anxiety in the world, with wars raging, thousands of innocent people being displaced or killed, governments in turmoil, and scary threats looming on the horizon. Those of us not directly affected by these things have had our own stresses and battles to fight, of one sort or another. It feels as if everyone needs a break.

And as Christmas approaches, we have an opportunity to take a breath. I know that, for many, there is stress over the immediate Christmas period: family to visit; presents t buy and wrap; food to prepare, but in that post-Christmas period there is a chance to take a little bit of peace and quiet.

We can all find an hour or two to relax, and have a little bit of peace. It is a chance to re-charge our batteries and regain some perspective that we need to take.

And as we do so, let us just send some peaceful energy out into the world at large, change the vibration a little from our own place of peace. As a well-known advertisement says: ‘Every little helps’, and we can play our part in that.

I wish you all a little bit of peace over Christmas, as well as fun and laughter. Give yourself a break – best Christmas present ever!

CHANGE YOUR INNER CRITIC

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We all have some form of inner critic, but many of us have let that inner critic get out of control. When we were young, that voice could be useful. He/she took on some of the things our family would get cross about, and remind us before we got into trouble. The critic helped us to navigate the accepted behaviour of the world.

However, they didn’t stop there at collecting reasons we might be considered a failure or badly behaved. The critic took up any and every reason they came across and set a higher and higher bar for our behaviour and attitude.

Consequently, most of us are pretty harsh with ourselves, never quite doing enough to be pleased with ourselves. We wouldn’t treat anyone else this cruelly!

What we can forget is that this voice is our own creation and in our control. We can change it to something more useful, by making that inner voice a critical best friend.

A best friend will support you, encourage you. They are honest but not unkind. If you’re way off the mark, they will tell you. If you’re making a mountain out of a molehill, they will tell you. If you’re being daft, they will tell you. And if you’ve done well, they will praise you.

Next time your inner critic gets going, ask him/her to be a critical best friend instead. Imagine it’s your best friend you’re talking to rather than yourself. Gradually, the voice will change its tone. You’ll hear, ‘well done’ more often and at worst, ‘you silly thing!’ instead of, ‘you’re useless’. Give yourself an inner best friend.