Tag Archives: perspective

GIVE IN BUT DON’T GIVE UP

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It was hard to hear, last week, that Trump had decisively won the American election. Not only does it make you wonder about the values of half the American population, but also it will have an impact on the world.

But Kamala Harris’s concession speech reminded me of a principle we can all work to: ‘We concede the victory, but do not admit defeat.’

There are times when we all have to concede that we have failed to achieve what we set out to do, with the best of intentions. Bemoaning the fact that we failed, or blaming others for it, does not change that. We have to accept that it happened and give in to the loss.

However, that doesn’t mean that we have to give up completely. Rather than wasting energy on recrimination or regrets, we can accept how it is, and then use our energy to work out what we can do differently or instead, to achieve our intention.

This then becomes a creative endeavour, where we learn from what went wrong or didn’t work, and look for other possibilities. This works at a macro-level, – a major defeat in politics – but also at a micro-level – I upset a friend unintentionally, or I didn’t finish those tasks I set myself.

It is a waste of energy to allow a defeat of some kind to send you into despair. All that does is make you more likely to fail at even more and give up.

Instead, give in to the one failure and use your energy to make things work better next time.

THE ARTS MATTER

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I watched a documentary by Melvyn Bragg a while ago. It was called ‘Art Matters’ and it gave compelling arguments for why we need to nurture our cultural life.

There were two that particularly caught my attention. The first was aimed at government. He pointed out that the arts contribute 6 per cent of our economy for a very small investment. How much more they could bring in if the grants for cultural projects had not been cut back to the bone!

The second was a reminder to all of us: the arts are a manifestation of imagination, whether it be a Shakespeare play or a pop song. Encouraging us to use our imagination, from early in childhood, and continuing to do so throughout our academic lives, is vital for our health and the health of our world.

Imagination is a way of connecting unlikely bedfellows and creating something different. We all have imagination, even if we don’t become great writers or artists.

Combining different tastes and textures to create a new meal; planting unusual combinations of flowers together; coming up with a different perspective on something – we do things like this a lot. And our dreams are always imaginative – how did Tom Cruise get to be at my birthday party?!

No matter what you look at in your home, someone imagined it and then designed and made it – how cool is that!

So encourage your imagination and that of your children – it could change the world.

YOU ARE PERFECT JUST AS YOU ARE

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Being human is a tough job. It means we have to learn to accept our own foibles, quirks and flaws, as well as our strengths, and most of us are really bad at doing both.

We learn to be modest about what we are good at, because otherwise it’s ‘boasting’ and ‘pride comes before a fall’. This tendency is exacerbated if what we’re good at seems ordinary rather than exceptional or highly valued by society. If you can make a tasty meal out of bits and pieces, if you find it easy to start a conversation with a stranger, or can out together a flat pack of something, you take it for granted, and assume others can as well. And of course, most things that we find easy, we tend to dismiss as being normal, or trivial.

Then there is that long list of things we’re not good at. I don’t remember the details of things; I can’t change a tyre; I’m terrible at drawing; I’m useless when it comes to arranging a bunch of flowers – the list goes on and on. We learn to feel bad about all the things we can’t do well, and to feel we’re not good enough.

What we don’t tend to notice is that everyone else has their own weaknesses – it’s part of being human. No-one is good at everything, and we all develop our own set of strengths. Each of us is unique.

We are all neurodivergent, with minds and bodies that work in their own individual way, easily absorbing some things and failing to take on others. And that’s okay. It makes us special.

So don’t worry or feel bad about your weaknesses. Find someone who’s good at whatever it is if you need to, and ask for help. We all like using our strengths.

And use your own strengths well. That way you can make your unique contribution to the world.

You’re a perfect huma being, just as you are.

‘OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR THOUGHTS MAKE OF IT’

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Marcus Aurelius said this, centuries ago – the wisdom has always been there.

I was reminded of this recently when my back was playing up. I was sitting in my conservatory being miserable when I looked out and noticed my first zinnia flowering in my garden – a lovely red and yellow bloom. That drew my attention to all the other lovely flowers making a cheery display. Was I going to be miserable because of my back or cheered up by the beauty in my garden? My choice…

We all have our ups and downs, but often forget that we always have a choice about what we pay attention to. There is almost always a reason to be happy and a reason to be pissed off. Once we’ve decided to be pissed off, we set a mood that finds even more things wrong. It knocks any probability of enjoyment or motivation out of our minds.

But once we decide to be happy about something, however small, it resets our mind to be more constructive, to deal with problems, to find ways of cheering ourselves up. It only requires that initial choice.

Don’t let your thoughts get you down. They are only thoughts and you can choose which ones to follow and which ones to discard. Remember that, as a child, you might fall over and hurt yourself, but were quickly distracted by a toy or a hug. You are still the same person. Distract yourself from being miserable and life will soon feel better again.

BEING HAPPY

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“If you choose to be happy today, nothing can stop you”.

I first saw this as a sign on the door of a little café in India and it made me smile. Now I use it as a reminder that happiness does not depend on circumstances, everything being perfect, it is a state of mind we choose.

We can be aware of everything that is wrong or not good, without being drowned in the tide of pessimism which can come with that. It is a question of perspective, which we can find by asking ourselves some questions: Is this all there is? Is it forever? What can I find that makes me feel good right now? What are the gifts in my life?

This isn’t about having rose-tinted spectacles; it is a more useful way to be in the world. When we are happy, we find our way through problems or difficulties more easily. When we are happy, other people respond more positively to us. When we are happy, we remember the good things in our lives.

Our frame of mind affects everything we do. Being miserable or fed up turns everything grey or black, creates more reasons to stay in the same state of mind.

Let’s remember the good bits and colour our world more cheerfully. No-one and nothing can stop you, if you choose to be happy.

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

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Many years ago, I ran a programme at Land Rover called ‘Do Something Different’. It was for all the team leaders, shift leaders, managers and directors, and was deliberately provoking them to think and act in novel ways – not to cause chaos, but to encourage them to realise that they could improve their work and lives if they extended their ‘toolkit’ of techniques to deal with their own reactions and to work with others effectively.

It’s still a phrase that I need to remind myself of every so often. We all have a tendency to repeat behaviours or ways of thinking about things even though we know they don’t work for us.

We complain about stuff, but it doesn’t change what’s happening. We tell the kids off for their untidy bedrooms but the bedroom doesn’t stay tidy. We put a task off because it looks too big to tackle and it never gets done, or we do it reluctantly and prove to ourselves that it’s hard work.

Our minds are terrible masters but wonderful servants. They will send us into automatic repeating patterns even if we know they don’t work for us, but they can also look for answers to questions we ask them. If you ask the right question, it’s amazing what answers you can find.

So the simple solution is to go away from the situation that’s not working and ask yourself: ‘ How could I tackle this in a different way?’ or ‘How could I make this easier for myself?’

Just the act of moving away from the situation starts to give you some perspective and breaks the repetitive pattern. And I can still be delighted by some of the answers I get to the questions.

So next time you feel stuck or realise that you’re just repeating a pattern that’s not useful, do something different.

BE HAPPY

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I wanted to write something inspirational to end the year, despite all the problems in the world. Then my friend Rebecca sent me a copy of this speech by Pope Francis from several years ago. I can’t better this!

‘You may have defects, be anxious and sometimes live irritated, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can prevent it from going into decline. There are many that need you, admire you and love you.

I would like to remind you that being happy is not having a sky without storms, or roads without accidents, or work without fatigue, or relationships without disappointments.
Being happy is finding strength in forgiveness, hope in one’s battles, security at the stage of fear, love in disagreements.

Being happy is not only to treasure the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It is not just commemorating the event, but also learning lessons in failures. It is not just having joy with the applause, but also having joy in anonymity.

Being happy is to recognise that it is worthwhile to live, despite all the challenges, misunderstandings and times of crises. Being happy is not inevitable fate, but a victory for those who can travel towards it with your own being.

Being happy is to stop being a victim of problems but become an actor in history itself. It is not only to cross the deserts outside of ourselves, but still more, to be able to find an oasis in the recesses of our soul. It is to thank God every morning for the miracle of life.

Being happy is not being afraid of one’s feelings. It is to know how to talk about ourselves. It is to bear it with courage when hearing a “no”. It is to have the security to receive criticism, even if it is unfair. It is to kiss the children, pamper the parents, have poetic moments with friends, even if they have hurt us.

Being happy means allowing the free, happy and simple child inside each of us to live; having the maturity to say, “I was wrong”; having the audacity to say, “forgive me”. It is to have sensitivity in expressing, “I need you”; to have the ability of saying, “I love you.”

Thus your life becomes a garden full of opportunities for being happy…

In your spring-time, may you become a lover of joy. In your winter, may you become a friend of wisdom. And when you go wrong along the way, you start all over again. Thus you will be more passionate about life.

And you will find that happiness is not about having a perfect life but about using tears to water tolerance, losses to refine patience, failures to carve serenity, pain to lapidate pleasure, obstacles to open the windows of intelligence.

Never give up …. never give up on the people you love. Never give up on being happy because life is an incredible show.

And you are a special human being!’

Have a peaceful and happy Christmas.

GOING OUTSIDE

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It’s easy to go outside when we are on holiday. No-one goes somewhere lovely for a break and then stays inside, do they? I’ve been on Maui for a couple of weeks and have spent most of my waking hours outside.

It’s made me realise how important that breath of fresh air, that time in nature is. Being in nature, even in our own garden or a park, is automatically revitalising. And just being outside in the world helps us to regain perspective, taker a few deep breaths.

I don’t mean a quick walk to the local shop with our phone in hand, thinking about what we need to buy, what we have to do. I mean the saunter to the shop, round the block, or even round the garden, when you notice the flowers, shrubs, bird call, clouds in the sky.

It doesn’t need to be a major expedition – just fifteen minutes will help – which is just as well if you live somewhere like England, with our unpredictable weather!

It’s so easy to get caught in a routine of going from home to car to workplace and back again, without really going outside. And in winter it’s tempting to stay in the warm rather than venturing outside.

But I came back from Maui determined to ensure that I do take that step outside, even on the worst of days. It’s too good for my spirits for me to deprive myself of it. Try it and see, if you don’t already.

THE VALUE OF REMEMBERING

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Okay, I’m not talking about memory tests here: did I remember to get something out of the freezer, or someone’s birthday. Those things are really recall – did I keep that in the front of my mind.

I’m talking about those memories that pop up sometimes because something reminds us of them. For example, we may hear a song on the radio, or see an old-fashioned sweet in a shop, or watch a programme about a place we have visited. This is rich remembering for several reasons.

It tends to have detail that we weren’t conscious of absorbing at the time. So a song may make us think of particular people, places, moods and feelings. Or a sweet may evoke a whole period of our childhood.

Remembering also gives us a chance to review the significance of things in our past. It may have seemed catastrophic at the time, yet now we can laugh at it. or it may have seemed unimportant, yet now we can see how it helped us to grow in some way or played a part in a bigger pattern in our lives.

Remembering is putting things back together, joining them up. It means that we put singular events into a bigger context, the context of our whole lives till now.

Remembering helps us to value and understand who we are and how we’ve developed. It helps us to let ourselves i=off, so we don’t feel bad about things in our past: ‘I was only a youngster’, or ‘that was pretty awful, no wonder I felt like that’.

And above all, it can be delightful to remember times when we felt happy, had fun, enjoyed our lives – it brings back those same feelings.

So enjoy those times when you reminisce, on your own or with others, and even prompt it sometimes to remind yourself of the richness of your life.

DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT

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Last week, my son took me to Winchester for an overnight stay. We had a lovely time, looking round a different city, and spending enjoyable time together. It reminded me that doing something different really livens up your life.

It is so easy to fall into habits of doing the same old thing: cook the same meals; do laundry on the same day; visit the same places; spend the weekend doing the same routine – the list goes on and on.

There’s nothing wrong with having habitual pattens. They often allow us some time on automatic pilot, no great effort required. It can be almost restful, with no need to think about it.

And once in a while, it’s really good for us to do something different. It livens up our day, stimulates our mind and energy.

This doesn’t have to be something momentous, just something different in the normal week. Examples might be: buying or growing a different plant for the garden; choosing to make a different meal or buying something you don’t usually have from the supermarket; arranging to meet a friend at a coffee shop instead of at home; watching a tv programme you wouldn’t normally choose; phoning someone you haven’t spoken to for ages.

This is a great way to keep life interesting, so you’re not stuck in a rut. Sometimes the experiment doesn’t work out, but that’s OK – it still broke the spell of habit for a while. And often it’s a way of adding in something different to your everyday that may even become another useful habit!