Tag Archives: being happy

LOVE IS ALL

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Part of a line from an old Beatles song, but how true, when it comes down to it. Whatever else is going on, love endures. It doesn’t cost anything, it doesn’t demand anything, it just pervades even the worst of situations, if we let it.

I was reminded of this last weekend, when my son and now daughter-in-law got married.

We had a perfect day, full of lovely people, beautiful ceremony, heaps of joy and laughter. Love permeated everything and everyone was wearing it like a natural second skin.

The effect of this is that our perspective is altered. We enjoy our food more, we appreciate the beauty of flowers more, we smile more and respond more positively to everyone and everything.

And it isn’t romantic love – it is the deeper love that is a part of our nature that we sometimes forget.

At an event like that, it is easier to be aware of love’s power, but its power is in our everyday too. The meal cooked with love, the affection towards our family and friends, the kind comment even to strangers, the noticing of positivity from others, the listening to people who are having difficulties – there is nothing we do that isn’t made better by a little love.

Give it, receive it, spread it, because it really is all.

TELL THEM, SHOW THEM NOW

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I read something recently that reminded me of what really matters in this world of ours, where we get taken over by tasks and things we need to do. It was the question: ‘If you discovered that you only had an hour left to live, what would you do?’

Stop and think for a moment. You wouldn’t tidy up, or complain about the state of the world, or hurry to get to work, would you? I believe, as did the author, that we would all want to be with loved ones, or at least call them, and tell them that we love them.

It reminds us of what really matters above all else – loving and being loved.

Yet how often do we express that in our everyday lives? We are so busy getting on with life that we take it for granted that others know that we love them.

It can seem a bit soppy, even formulaic, to say “I love you’ or to give someone a hug. And sometimes they are causing us temporary irritation and that shows more than the fundamental love we feel towards them.

Hope fully we all have more than an hour to live, but that is no excuse for not bothering to say that you love someone, or not stopping to give them a hug. Both of you will feel that deep connection that underlies everything else, and have a moment of remembering what really matters.

So hug them today and tell them that you love them, and do it again and again. Then you will know, when you do reach the end of your life, that you have shown your love over and over.

APPRECIATE THIS DAY

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I am old enough to know that this could be the last time that I see this friend, that I visit a place I love, that I see an amazing movie or play or concert, that I have the joy of the season’s flowers in my garden.

I wish I had realised it earlier in my life, so that I ‘squeezed the juice’ out of all the wonders and delights that we rush through when we are younger.

Today, I can wish I were a young woman again, I can try to clear all my emails, I can be cross because it’s raining. Or I can enjoy a slow, peaceful start to the day, watch the birds at the feeders, read some of my book, and notice the soothing sound of the rain on my conservatory roof. My choice.

Do I notice the negatives in my day, or do I appreciate the good things that I can easily find if I care to look for them?

If I treat each day as if it were my last, each visit as if it were the last, my life becomes full of riches.

So today, stop for a moment and notice the beauty, the wonder, the smiles and laughter, and truly appreciate them. Choose to make it a good day.

WE NEED COMMUNITY FOR OUR HEALTH

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Not so long ago, most people lived in a community, where you knew your neighbours, chatted to people in the local shops, had friends who lived nearby. These days, many people are isolated to a large extent, working from home, moving from house to car and back again, shopping online, and often not even knowing their neighbours.

They may claim to have a lot of ‘friends’ on social media, but this does not give us the same (or sometimes any) health benefits.

We were designed to be social animals, so in person social interaction increases our health-giving hormones, and that keeps us healthier for longer.

Keeping in touch with friends, getting to know our neighbours, talking to the person at the bus stop or checkout, are all ways of enhancing our own health and theirs too.

Joining a group or class where people share an interest or have shared experiences can be very valuable – often a place to make new friends.

At the very least, phone people you know rather than text. The conversation will always be more satisfying than in text, and we gain the tone of the voice which, assuming it’s pleasant, also elicits those hormones.

It is considered a punishment to keep someone in isolation, so why would we do it to ourselves? There are lots of people out there willing to have a conversation or even become friends and we could all benefit.

THE LOVE HORMONE

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This is not some new supplement that we need to go out and buy. Its name is oxytocin, and we produce it naturally, whenever we feel love or connection, with other people, or with nature, animals etc., and lots when we hug.

It is a magical potion for us, improving our health and well-being, without any effort on our part. It improves our digestive system, it speeds up wound healing and it’s very good for the heart, so it’s a prevalent hormone throughout our bodies, and very busy looking after us!

Oxytocin also affects how we view other people. It makes us warmer towards others, more generous, and more trusting, which in turn improves our relationships with others and produces yet more of the hormone, not just in us, but also in them.

And it’s so easy to create all those great effects: any heart-centred gentleness, kindness, or affection does it automatically. So why wouldn’t we hug our friends, and family, love our pets, nurture our plants? It’s the perfect selfish act!

So next time you hesitate before giving someone a hug, get in there. Next time you get impatient at the checkout, smile at the till operator instead. Next time you’re out walking, stop and stroke a tree trunk, smell a flower. It will keep you healthy and happy.

(Thanks to David Hamilton for doing the research on this topic)

GROWING OLDER

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There are many ways in which we are insidiously told that growing older is likely to bring with it a reduced level of health, mental activity and resilience.

What we are not told so clearly is that growing older also brings with it the potential for a level of freedom and authenticity which is hard to achieve when younger.

We no longer have to fit in with the norms of society, in order to be accepted in our jobs, our roles. We can begin to explore who we really are, what is true for us, as opposed to what we have taken on in order to appear ‘normal’. We don’t have to live a 9-5 life, fitting our chores around our workdays.

We can spend whole days reading or gardening. We can stay up to watch a late-night movie, and sleep in in the morning. We can have lunch with friends, have our hair cut, when the shops and restaurants are less busy, during the week.

The detriments to being older are over-stated, and the advantages of being older are hardly mentioned. Yet they far outweigh the problems.

If we appreciate these everyday freedoms, if we allow ourselves to revert to who we truly are, with all our quirks and foibles, being older can be a wonderful chapter in our lives.

BALANCE

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It’s a new year. When we look back over the previous year, it gives us a starting point for the new one.

What did you spend too much time on, and what was neglected as a consequence? What made you anxious, and how can you alleviate that? What stressed you and how can you reduce that stress? What made you feel good and how can you have more of that? How did you care for yourself and how can you give yourself even more of that?

These types of questions prompt us into noticing how we can improve our lives for this year and shift the balance towards a happier, more comfortable time. They take us towards small easy steps we can take to make life better for ourselves.

Of course, there will always be unavoidable ups and owns in our lives, good days and bad days. I don’t believe anyone has a perfect life, or a perfect attitude towards whatever happens.

But we can all appreciate more the good days we have (and normally add a few more with a shift in attitude!), and we can all think of better ways to handle those days that feel tough, or at least offset the toughness with more kindness towards ourselves.

When we find more balance, more equilibrium in our lives, we not only feel better, we are also nicer people to be around, and we receive more of the friendship and support that we all need – it’s a virtuous circle.

So come on, let’s find some more balance in our lives, and make it easier for ourselves as we do so. We deserve it!

Happy New Year..

‘OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR THOUGHTS MAKE OF IT’

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Marcus Aurelius said this, centuries ago – the wisdom has always been there.

I was reminded of this recently when my back was playing up. I was sitting in my conservatory being miserable when I looked out and noticed my first zinnia flowering in my garden – a lovely red and yellow bloom. That drew my attention to all the other lovely flowers making a cheery display. Was I going to be miserable because of my back or cheered up by the beauty in my garden? My choice…

We all have our ups and downs, but often forget that we always have a choice about what we pay attention to. There is almost always a reason to be happy and a reason to be pissed off. Once we’ve decided to be pissed off, we set a mood that finds even more things wrong. It knocks any probability of enjoyment or motivation out of our minds.

But once we decide to be happy about something, however small, it resets our mind to be more constructive, to deal with problems, to find ways of cheering ourselves up. It only requires that initial choice.

Don’t let your thoughts get you down. They are only thoughts and you can choose which ones to follow and which ones to discard. Remember that, as a child, you might fall over and hurt yourself, but were quickly distracted by a toy or a hug. You are still the same person. Distract yourself from being miserable and life will soon feel better again.

BEING HAPPY

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“If you choose to be happy today, nothing can stop you”.

I first saw this as a sign on the door of a little café in India and it made me smile. Now I use it as a reminder that happiness does not depend on circumstances, everything being perfect, it is a state of mind we choose.

We can be aware of everything that is wrong or not good, without being drowned in the tide of pessimism which can come with that. It is a question of perspective, which we can find by asking ourselves some questions: Is this all there is? Is it forever? What can I find that makes me feel good right now? What are the gifts in my life?

This isn’t about having rose-tinted spectacles; it is a more useful way to be in the world. When we are happy, we find our way through problems or difficulties more easily. When we are happy, other people respond more positively to us. When we are happy, we remember the good things in our lives.

Our frame of mind affects everything we do. Being miserable or fed up turns everything grey or black, creates more reasons to stay in the same state of mind.

Let’s remember the good bits and colour our world more cheerfully. No-one and nothing can stop you, if you choose to be happy.

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

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Most people have some form of wish list, covering all sorts of things from the trivial to the fundamental. What we often are not aware of is the driver behind this wish list.

We all have a basic desire to feel good, to be happy, to be valued in our lives. The wish list is intended to bring us that good feeling. However, there is a big difference between the temporary feeling of pleasure when we get what we thought we wanted and the more solid sense of feeling good and happy most of the time.

Buying ‘stuff’, getting likes on social media, may fill a gap for us for a little while, but it will never provide us with what we really want. Even being successful in your career, having lots of money, will not give you that feeling of contentment with your everyday life, despite what our culture seems to suggest.

So we need to stop and consider that fundamental question of what we really want our lives to be like. This requires not just thought, but also imagination: what would it be like if I had what I want?

For example, if I geta new job, how will it affect my life? Will it enable me to spend more or less time with family and friends? Will I come home pleased with my day or stressed and exhausted? By imagining how your everyday life will be affected, positively and adversely, by adding or subtracting something from your life, you have a fuller picture of whether you really want whatever it is.

And it is important to realise that we can often make small changes to improve our everyday lives and feel happier, more content. Small changes can add up to a big difference in how good you feel. Whether it be going for a walk in the fresh air, or having a proper breakfast, or arranging to see a good friend more often, we can improve how we feel about our life with little effort and for free.

So next time you tell yourself you want something, just check it out: will it give you a momentary pleasure? (And that’s okay so long as you realise it). will it enhance your everyday life, or will it bring more negative than you want?

Appreciate what you already have  and look to continue to make life better – isn’t that what we’re here for?