Tag Archives: useful thinking

THOUGHT VIRUSES

Ways of Remembering,

We’ve heard a lot about viruses over the last few years, but no-one mentions the one that all of us suffer from on a fairly regular basis – it’s thought viruses.

We all have our own particular thought viruses: stories we tell ourselves that put ‘the fear of God into us’, as my mum would say. They’re the thoughts that trigger us into a state of fear or anxiety, usually about something that hasn’t actually happened, but we fear might.

There are also ones that take hold more widely in our cultures, which is how racism, sexism etc become so prevalent.

They all operate a double negative for us:

  1. Once there, we look for evidence that they’re likely to be true, in our own past, and in what we see and hear around us, so we build their hold on us.
  2. They affect our physical, mental and emotional well-being and increase our negative feelings and stress levels.

Like other viruses, we need to find a way to recover from them, and help ourselves to develop an immunity.

Firstly, we need to recognise we have them. Those recurring anxieties about our health or certain meetings, or something bad happening, all show us where they are.

Secondly, we need to start to exert some control over them. Look for evidence to the contrary: how many times in the past they weren’t true, how illogical most of them are.

Thirdly, we need to actively challenge them. When one pops its head up, we need to say: ‘Not you again! You’re not a fact, you’re a figment of my imagination. Go away, I don’t want you any more.’

Lastly, we need to laugh at them, because that is a fine way to reduce their power over us.

Thought viruses can spoil our happiness and peace of mind. Let’s choose not to let them.

THE POWER OF INTENTION

Ways of Remembering,

Last time, I wrote about setting intentions for the year rather than resolutions. By chance, I decided to clear up one of those piles of folders that I believe we all accumulate, and amongst them I found a stock of my intentions which went back twenty years.

I sat and read through them and was immediately reminded of just how powerful they are. I usually forget what I’ve written down until the next time, and then adjust them to help me move on some more. What I hadn’t really realised before is just how much progress I have made on so many elements of how I want to improve.

This is not because I have been deliberate or conscientious about it. As I said, I usually forget what I have written within a month. It is because intentions are like a direct command to your unconscious. They seep into your way of thinking about things and play a part in how you make decisions, how you act. I knew this theoretically, but here was the proof.

Just that act of writing down how you want to feel in general, and then some things you intend to do more or less of is enough to help you improve your life without a lot of effort.

And even at a simple level they work just as well. Setting your intentions for how you want a conversation to go, or an encounter, or a day, can make a positive difference without consciously trying. It is a powerful use of our unconscious that makes life easier, so do experiment with it.

INTENTIONS FOR THE YEAR

Ways of Remembering,

I always think that New Year resolutions are a form of self-flagellation – promising to do or not do something that you’re almost bound to fail at!

So I prefer to set an intention for the year: how I want it to feel overall. From that, I can decide to do more of some things and less of others, to match my intention.

For example, if my intention is to feel happy and fulfilled – always a useful intention! – then it is easy to see what does and doesn’t make me feel that way and begin to make these less and more adjustments to my life.

It leads to a gradual improvement in how my life feels and gives me a simple measure to keep adjusting week by week.

Sometimes of course, I’ll slip and have a ‘bad week’ but that’s just part of the process and I can have another go the following week. It’s simple, it’s gentle and it is a kinder way of making my life work even better.

If you’ve had the same New Year resolutions over and over again and failed, why not try setting intentions instead, and give yourself a chance to succeed.

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES – PART ONE

Ways of Remembering, ,

WHAT ARE THE UNIVERSAL VALUES – PART ONE

I want to start by looking at the values which are about how we think and react, whether to others, situations or just internally.

I’ll begin with being honest. This means more than just being truthful. It also implies not committing the sin of omission: hoping no-one will realise if we don’t tell them. If you’re honest, you own up if you have made a mistake or done something wrong, you say if you don’t agree with something (without being unpleasant), you don’t try to hide either weaknesses or strengths.

This links to integrity which really means being true to yourself. It implies being clear about your values, and not compromising them, but it also means being aligned: your heart and your mind being in accord with each other.

Then when we look at how we think and react, three more strong principles come into play. Firstly there is learning. As humans we constantly learn if we want to continue to develop[ ourselves to be at our best. This means that we do our best not to repeat mistakes form the past, and look at how we might handle things better this time.

Secondly there is the principle of looking forward as well as backward. This means considering the consequences of our actions and reactions before we do anything. It implies avoiding knee-jerk reactions and short-termism.

Thirdly there is the principle of applying common sense to a situation. (I often think common sense is anything but common!) It means distinguishing between what matters and when you’ve just got a bee in your bonnet. It requires stepping back and gaining perspective. It also means being practical: we may want to change the world but we can only do it one step at a time.

Now you may already have thought of something in this category that I have missed – these are only my thoughts, gleaned from working with people over the years. Yet, oh my God, the world would change immediately if we all consistently lived to these values and principles.. and we can choose to do so, if we wish.

LOOKING FOR THE CHINKS OF LIGHT

Ways of Remembering, , ,

We are living in tough times. There is far more bad news than good – one thing after another seems to pile on the agony, in the world, in our country, even in our own lives.

It is easy to feel despair, but that doesn’t help anything. We need to look for the chinks of light. And in the midst of all this, they do still shine through.

In the world, the West is still supporting Ukraine, which may be politically motivated, but is better than has been managed in the past, when countries under attack have not been helped in any significant way. And the problems with gas supply have pushed many countries to move more quickly on installing renewable energy, which will help our planet.

In this country, the government is doing some terrible things, but at least it has stepped in to help with the cost of living crisis. We may not agree with their method or their philosophy, but it will help people to have more of a chance of paying their bills.

And above all, individual people bring chinks of light into our lives, with their kindness and thoughtfulness, their sense of humour despite everything, their warmth and affection.

Let’s keep looking for these chinks of light, and giving them to others whenever we can. It’s what will bring us through

DISRUPTION AND DISTRACTION

Ways of Remembering, ,

I am in the midst of disruption in my personal life – having a new kitchen fitted! It has made me think about what disruption is. The word originally means something that breaks you away from your normal patterns and routines.

I am not good at dealing with disruption, and I don’t know anyone who is, but on reflection, I realise with hindsight that often a disruption in my everyday life has had some positive outcomes, breaking some of my less useful patterns and making me reconsider what really matters.

A good example of this would be the lockdowns during the pandemic, when all our lives were disrupted. At the time it was difficult for most people, but it certainly made us aware of how important our connections with others are, and of the simple things in life we can get pleasure from.

On the other hand, there is distraction. I have been using distractions to help me cope with the disruption. Distraction means originally something that pulls you away from whatever is going on.

I have done jigsaws, worked on the garden, watched movies, because they all take up my attention and give me space from my busy mind. So distractions can be very useful for alleviating the effects of disruption and it is worth having that list of what works for you.

And of course, they can also have a downside. Sometimes we use distractions to avoid things we know we need to confront or get on with.

At present I am using distractions to help, and I hope to find the positive outcomes – besides a new kitchen! – in the coming weeks. I also hope that I will remember the plus’s and minuses of disruption and distraction so that I use them well in the future.

What about you? How do you manage disruption and use distraction?

LETTING GO

Ways of Remembering, ,

My friend Rebecca sent me a copy of a poem by Safire Rose called ‘She Let Go’.

https://safire-rose.com/books-and-media/poetry/she-let-go . As I read it through I could feel the relief, the lightness of being that just letting go creates.

It is not easy to stop worrying something through. We go backwards and forwards in our minds, we may talk about it with others, we allow whatever it is to affect our behaviour, our mind. Yet at the same time, this poem reminded me that we can just let it go: say ‘Oh well,’ and let go.

It is easier to do with something in the past. After all, there’s nothing we can do about it now, so revisiting it in our mind changes nothing except our own mood and behaviour.

Letting go of something that’s in our present reality, or that we are predicting in our future is harder. Yet if we think about it with a form of logic, it becomes easier,

If it’s in our present reality, then it’s here, so the best thing to do is accept it, and decide what we can do about it, or at least how we can alleviate the situation. Wishing it away just doesn’t work!

If it’s future and certain, we can plan what we will do to handle it. If it’s not certain, we need to recognise that we don’t know if it will turn into reality, and that worrying about it now may be an unnecessary weight.

It rarely helps us to sort something out when we worry at it like a dog with a bone, and we all have evidence of that truth!

From now on, I’m going to see if I can emulate the ‘she’ in the poem: ‘She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go… It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.. In the space of letting go, she let it all be’.

THERE ARE REASONS TO BE OPTIMISTIC

Ways of Remembering, ,

In amongst all the depressing news last week, the UN gave an award to David Attenborough – Champion of the Earth. It was a lovely recognition of all that he has done to advocate caring for our environment, and in his acceptance speech, he talked about the resurgence of whales, as an illustration of the value of continuing to campaign to reverse the damage we have previously done.

He pointed out that the population of whales had been devastated by hunting, yet now there are more than there have ever been in our lifetime.

It reminded me that we need to find reasons to be optimistic, and that things change for the better over a long period – it doesn’t happen overnight as a rule.

So, reasons to be optimistic:

  • We have all got better at recycling and re-using
  • Many have reduced their meat eating and turned to vegetarian options
  • The war in Ukraine is forcing countries to look at becoming more self-sufficient in energy, and work harder on developing green energy options
  • Younger generations are more aware of environmental concerns than most of us were when I was young
  • And on a different note, our governments may not be good, but their behaviour is now exposed for all to know

And I know there are more!

So let’s keep doing what we can to keep these trends going, and encourage others to do the same, because change for the better does happen.

When so many dire things are happening right now, it’s vital to find reasons to be optimistic.

IT’S ALL WRONG – WHAT CAN I DO?

Ways of Remembering, ,

Everywhere we look at the moment, things are going wrong: the war in Ukraine; climate change; the continuing spread of Covid; the problems with the NHS and many other institutions; the supply chains; the mess called our government; the rising cost of living – not to mention all those other things we all have to deal with in our everyday lives, whether it be illness in our families or failing to get hold of someone on the phone, etc, etc.

Distress, upset, delays, frustrations, doom-laden predictions – they seem to have become part of everyone’s life. It can leave us feeling powerless and miserable. And that doesn’t help.

So what can I do?

Well, it’s the actions of people that change the world, for better or worse, so I have decided to do something each day that makes a small positive difference, hoping that they all add up to something that helps.

At the macro-level, I can write to my MP, I can donate to a charity that is helping those who are suffering most. I can make my voice heard in protest against wrong – as Amnesty International say: one extra may be what tips the balance.

At the micro-level, I can continue to wear a mask in crowded places, I can ensure that I recycle as much as possible, use less plastic, waste less food. I can live my life as ethically, ecologically and caringly as I can.

At an interpersonal level, I can listen to and sympathise with other people’s issues and frustrations, without judgement or interruption, allowing them to express their frustrations so they don’t just go round and round in their heads.

At a personal level, I can tackle one of those frustrations at a time: keep making that phone call until I get a result or whatever it is. And I can take care of my own physical and mental health, and use things that bring me joy to lift my mood. I’m not doing all of this all of the time – that’s too much and would just send me into despair again! But if each day I do something, then at least I’m doing my bit to right all this wrong. And if we all did…

A GLIMMER OF HOPE

Ways of Remembering, ,

I’m finding it hard to be positive or optimistic at the moment – there’s so much wrong in the world.

So I’m actively looking for the glimmers of hope, to lift my mood. And when you look for those glimmers, you find them.

In the current awful situation in Ukraine, amidst the destruction and heartbreak, there are the amazing acts of kindness, generosity, and care: ordinary people responding from the heart to other ordinary people in distress.

And the level of worldwide condemnation of Putin for his behaviour is enormous, whilst remembering that it is not the Russian people who are behind all this. It is good to see that we haven’t turned them all into the ‘red under the bed’ of the past.

This is also making many governments look more seriously at the potential for developing their own renewable energy sources, to make it possible to be self-sufficient – that will help with climate change more than any agreement or promise will.

At the same time, Volodymyr Zelensky is setting an example of true leadership. He hasn’t run away – anything but – and he is proactive in asking for help and encouraging his people. (Wish we had someone like him!)

And at a simpler level, I see all the spring flowers in my garden, and the new shoots and buds on the perennials, and I am reminded that nature goes on doing its cycle, no matter what we are doing, and that it is natural for things to restart, to flourish again.

Good things are going on, big questions are being asked – our job is to support both these things, help keep them going when this particular crisis is resolved. A crisis means a crossroads, a choice point, so let’s grow the glimmers of hope, and believe that the world can be a better place. We can take the right road at this crossroads.