Tag Archives: values

THE HEART OF THE MATTER

Ways of Remembering,

I was watching an interview with Maya Angelou a few weeks ago. She always expressed ideas with such beautiful eloquence, and she came out with one that really hit home for me.

The interviewer started a question by saying: ‘The fact of the matter is…’ and she interrupted him. ‘The facts of the matter are the who, what, where, when, how,’ she said. ‘But that does not tell you the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter is in the heart.’

I love that simple exposition of what really matters. It is our feelings, our values, our intuition, that take us towards the real truth. Being factually correct doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right, or good.

You often see this played out in police procedural dramas. All the evidence seems to point to a certain person, yet there is a detective who says, ‘This doesn’t feel right,’ and goes on to find the real perpetrator.

In our everyday lives, we can be bamboozled by facts and forget to take notice of our intuitive reaction, which tells us that it isn’t right, or it doesn’t work for us.

It is important to learn again to listen to our hearts, our guts, and take notice of their wisdom. So next time you’re about to fall for the fact of the matter, just remember to stop and listen to that small inner voice – is it right or wrong for you? Let’s get to the heart of the matter.

USEFUL BELIEFS

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We don’t usually realise how many beliefs we have that affect how we live our lives, because we don’t express them as beliefs, we state them as truths or facts. For example: no-one understands me; I always get ill in winter; there’s never enough time to do everything; don’t trust a stranger; God doesn’t exist. I’m sure you have your own list, if you stop and think about it!

You can usually spot them if you begin to notice where you have generalised: everyone, always, never, no-one, all, etc.

And these beliefs cause arguments, conflicts and even wars, when they are contrary to what others believe. This is because most people think their belief is the truth, so a belief that contradicts it must be false, and the other person is wrong and needs correcting.

The fact that different people can have contradictory beliefs surely raises questions about the truth or rightness of either side.

I think we need to rethink how we look at beliefs. What we forget is that we all filter our experience. We can’t absorb   or be conscious of everything that is going on, so we narrow the field, and the way we tend to do that is through our beliefs. We collect evidence that we are right but miss out evidence that might contradict that belief. For example, if I think that most people are unfriendly, I will notice when people frown at me or push past me, but not notice the people who smile at me, or hold the door for me.

And of course, our beliefs can directly affect us by causing us to limit our own behaviour, so we don’t step out of our fears, and our self-imposed restrictions.

The good news is that, once we become aware of the problem with our adopted beliefs, we can consciously change our filters and therefore our beliefs.

So the question to ask about beliefs we have is not, is it true or false, right or wrong, but is it a useful belief to have, one which enriches our lives and empowers us. Once we ask ourselves this question – is this a useful belief – we can begin to identify which beliefs we have that do help us to live our lives well and reinforce them by continuing to collect evidence. And we can begin to deliberately moderate our less useful beliefs by actively looking for evidence of something that would improve our lives instead.

This can be fun, as well as enlightening, so have a go. You may be pleasantly surprised.

STANDING UP TO A BULLY (OR TWO)

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I have a new hero – Volodymyr Zelensky. He is the one leader who had most to lose by refusing to be bullied, yet he did it.

Bullies are a scourge in society. They abuse what power they have, whether physical or political or hierarchical, to force others to act as they want them to. They use intimidation to get their own way and make others fear them. There are no redeeming features.

The only way to stop bullying is to stand up to them, and refuse to be intimidated. This takes courage – coming from the heart – and conviction. We somehow think that this is not possible, that they will get us some other way, but most bullies back down when their bullying doesn’t work, and others who have been bullied by them begin to stand with you when you make a stand. They can be stopped.

We have probably all encountered bullies in our lives: unpleasant people who lack intelligence, understanding and compassion. Often it is in childhood, when they haven’t yet learned that there is a more effective way to be in the world, and that can be forgiven – they may learn. But when they are grown men and women there is no excuse.

The best defence against bullies is developing a group of those similarly affected – you can only bully one at a time. Let’s hope that Zelensky discovers just how many others are willing to stand with him, and make the bully think again.

I believe that fairness, justice, courage, and straightforward goodness win out in the end. Let’s all send that belief into the world.

THE ARTS MATTER

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I watched a documentary by Melvyn Bragg a while ago. It was called ‘Art Matters’ and it gave compelling arguments for why we need to nurture our cultural life.

There were two that particularly caught my attention. The first was aimed at government. He pointed out that the arts contribute 6 per cent of our economy for a very small investment. How much more they could bring in if the grants for cultural projects had not been cut back to the bone!

The second was a reminder to all of us: the arts are a manifestation of imagination, whether it be a Shakespeare play or a pop song. Encouraging us to use our imagination, from early in childhood, and continuing to do so throughout our academic lives, is vital for our health and the health of our world.

Imagination is a way of connecting unlikely bedfellows and creating something different. We all have imagination, even if we don’t become great writers or artists.

Combining different tastes and textures to create a new meal; planting unusual combinations of flowers together; coming up with a different perspective on something – we do things like this a lot. And our dreams are always imaginative – how did Tom Cruise get to be at my birthday party?!

No matter what you look at in your home, someone imagined it and then designed and made it – how cool is that!

So encourage your imagination and that of your children – it could change the world.

IS TOTAL DESTRUCTION A DETERRENT?

Ways of Remembering,

Years ago, I was an active member of CND (Campaign for Nuclar Disarmament). The argument that having nuclear weapons was a deterrent never made sense to me.

Recently, I watched documentaries, a movie and a drama series about the creation of the nuclear bomb and Oppenheimer’s role. All of these question its effectiveness as a deterrent, and leave you horrified (as was Oppenheimer), at the monster that had been created and unleashed.

There is also a recent documentary called ‘Atomic People’, where survivors of the bombs on Japan describe what happened in horrifying and heart-breaking detail. These same people set up an anti-nuclear group and have just won the Nobel Peace Prize for it.

Where does the twisted logic come from, that says possessing these weapons of mass destruction deters others from using them on us? How can there be a competition to see which country can amass more of these terrible weapons?

If just one is unleashed, our world is changed forever – they are far more powerful now than they were in the 1940’s.

There was a brief period when there was talk of disarmament, a moment when maybe common sense would prevail. Yet it came to nothing.

It is time we stood up again and said no to spending billions on renewing weapons which we all hope will never be used, and instead spend the money on saving lives and making our world a better place to live.

It is time that one country was brave enough to take the first step and disarm their nuclear weapons, recognising that they are a threat to all our lives and our world, not a deterrent.

WHAT WILL BE YOUR LEGACY?

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A legacy was originally a message, delivered by a legate. It was an important communication that needed to be delivered by someone trustworthy.

Nowadays we talk of legacies as being what you leave behind for others when you are no longer with them, either because you leave that place of work or die.

If we were to revert to its original meaning, we would be more accurate, because we don’t usually talk about the wealth or possessions someone has left when they die, we talk about what their message, their impact was.

Our legacy will be what people remember about us when we are no longer there. It’s our personality traits, our effect on others that will be recalled.

Think about it for a moment. It is those who have taught you to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself and others who have given you their legacy. It is those who have encouraged you to develop the strengths you have and use them well who have given you their legacy. It is those who have shown you useful ways of making life better who have given you their legacy. It is those who have made the world a better place who have given you their legacy.

Mahatma Ghandi said, ‘My life is my message’. It is true for all of us. So make the best you can of your life, and leave a lasting, ,lovely legacy – it is priceless.

INTELLECT OR INTELLIGENCE?

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Last week they gave our students their A level results. Some were delighted, some were disappointed. It made me think about the distinction between intellect and intelligence.

In the western world we have a tendency to admire the clever people – those who have attained several degrees and can do complicated things within their own field. But without intelligence, intellect is not particularly useful in living your life.

Intelligence is about the ability to learn as we go, cross-relating ideas or skills from one area to another, recognising what is useful and what isn’t, reviewing and learning from mistakes and successes. It is the pathway to wisdom.

This ability is not driven by academic learning – in fact academia often limits it. We talk about people being street-wise, i.e. they have learnt how to navigate their lives well, even if they are ‘uneducated’.

It is time we recognised intelligence as the most important skill we can have, in its fullest sense. This is not the same as having what they call a high intelligence quotient (IQ). That only measures a limited segment of intelligence. It is about recognising the full range of intelligence: intellectual, logical, emotional, creative, spatial, etc.

None of us have it all, but we can all aim to enhance what we do have. And we can learn from those who have a form of intelligence we are lacking in, regardless of their academic ability.

Our system of education had become more of a system of induction, teaching people to conform. Education originally means to lead out of people their natural abilities – let’s genuinely educate ourselves.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Ways of Remembering,

Those of you who know me will be aware that I am very interested in politics, and although I will confess to a bias towards the left, I do give credit where it is due – difficult to do with our previous government here in the UK, as there was very little that felt right about their approach and policies, not to mention their delivery.

We now have a new government, and immediately they have given me hope. They didn’t crow over their victory, or slam their opponents. They made small promises in their manifesto and have already started working on those things. The prime minister has made it clear from the start that his underlying intention is to unify the country rather than play partisan politics, and to regain the trust of people in the government, and he is already acting on that intention. And we are only 3 days in!

I have seen a lot of new governments in my time and none of them have impressed me as much. They have done their preparation, they are realistic and thoughtful, they are being honest – if they keep this up, we might actually have a country we can be proud of!

I will be watching – there has been no euphoria or honeymoon period, but the question is: can they maintain their honest and action-oriented approach in the face of all they have to deal with – let’s see…

Meanwhile I am glad to have some optimism restored, finally!

DO UNTO OTHERS…

Ways of Remembering,

There is a very simple principle to guide us in our behaviour and it appears in some form in every religion in the world: ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’

If we all followed this tenet, the world would be a very different place. No-one would choose to be ignored, condescended to, dismissed as worthless, shouted at unnecessarily, mocked, abused, left without food or shelter.

I can’t change the world, but I can ensure that I remember this principle in my own behaviour. It isn’t about being a ‘good’ person, it’s about remembering the differing effects on me when I am treated with respect or disdain.

It is much easier to treat someone else well if they do the same to you. And treating someone well often provokes a similar response, even if it weren’t their original intention, so in a selfish sense, I am more likely to have others do unto me what I would choose for myself.

I don’t always get it right – it’s only human to sometimes inflict your own bad mood on others, but I can apologise for it, and make amends.

Does this sound preachy? It probably is! There are many things I dislike about organised religion, but this is so easy to use as a guide to how we live with others.

So take a breath before you dive in and have a go at someone, and just imagine yourself in their shoes. How would you want someone to react if you were them?

WHY DON’T THEY LISTEN?

Ways of Remembering,

Every year there is a meeting in Davos where the rich, the top business people and politicians from around the world gather. It is seen as an opportunity to lobby for vested interests, to discuss possible trade deals etc, the elite talking to the elite.

This year, there was something that was hardly mentioned in the mainstream media. A coterie of British millionaires, who call themselves Patriotic Millionaires UK, implored the government to introduce a wealth tax of 2 per cent, which would raise £22 billion a year and could contribute significantly to funding our deteriorating public services.

Why don’t they listen? Is it because the millionaires in our government aren’t patriotic? Or are they listening to the greedy millionaires who avoid tax as much as they can? Do they think that they would lose votes from ordinary people because of doing it?

It is a puzzle to me that this easy win is not being taken up, either by the present government or as a policy by the opposition. It makes me wonder if there is any hope at all for common sense in politics.

Isn’t it time that hopeful, thoughtful voices were heard loud and clear in our democracy? There are solutions, they just seem to be ignored.

(By the way, I read about this in the magazine Positive News, which I’ve mentioned before. If you would like to know about some of the good things that are happening in our world, instead of all the doom and gloom, do consider subscribing).