Tag Archives: improving life

‘MY COMMITMENT IS TO TRUTH, NOT CONSISTENCY’ – GHANDI

Ways of Remembering,

I first came across this quote many years ago, in a talk by Ram Dass. It resonated with me then, and changed the way I did things, and it seems very appropriate to now.

As we all try to cope with the times we’re in, where we don’t have our old normal to guide the way we live our lives, it is vital that we take the opportunity to listen to our own truth.

This can mean something quite simple, like admitting that we have good and bad days, or we are not all exercising like mad and getting fit, or coming up with new creative ideas. How we are reacting doesn’t have a logic to it, and I don’t know about you, but I find it a relief when friends say that some days they are really pissed off with the situation, and have no motivation to do anything. It’s good to know I’m not alone!!

In a wider context, a commitment to truth leads us to reflect on the way we have been leading our lives, and check out whether something is just habit or really fits with who we are.

I know many people are questioning the long hours they would normally put in at the office, or how little time they usually give to their family and friends.

When circumstances change so much, we have the chance to ask ourselves what really matters to us, what does make us feel fulfilled, good, happy. I think almost all of us, for example, have realised that hugs really matter, and that, good as technology is for helping us to keep in touch, it’s not the same as physical, face-to-face contact.

So please, don’t let’s just revert to our old normal when that looks possible. Let’s all be a little more true to ourselves and what makes a difference to us, and thereby gain something really valuable from this experience.

Oh, and by the way, just so you know, yesterday was a shitty day for me, but today feels better already, and both reactions are for no good reason except my truth!!

THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE

Ways of Remembering

As I was sitting in the garden the other day, I heard someone in the street commenting on how beautiful the bluebells looked in a garden. Then another couple who were walking past were talking about the different birdsongs they could hear and how lovely it was to hear that rather than the traffic going past.

However hard this lockdown is, it is at least giving us the opportunity to appreciate the simple things in life – something we at Meta have advocated for many years. Whether it be the warmth of the sun on us, or the taste of fresh vegetables, or the smell of fresh-baked bread – (is everyone making their own bread these days?) – these things feed our soul and bring a much-needed smile to our faces.

And these simple things are all around us in our homes and in our world. They lift us out of the fear and restriction for a moment, out of our heads and into our hearts. They are what is there in the moment, real, free and available.

So spend a few moments each hour enjoying the simple pleasures in life, and have a little break from the uncertain nature of what’s going on in the world.

THANK GOD FOR A SENSE OF HUMOUR!

Ways of Remembering,

I wrote a while ago about how kindness is good for us, and how it is showing its face more and more as this crisis goes on. The other aspect of our characters that is really useful at this time is our sense of humour.

They say laughter is the best medicine, and science backs this up – laughing releases health-giving chemicals into our bodies, and also helps us to let go of stress.

And there are streams of funny memes, tweets and video clips doing the rounds, to bring a smile to our faces. The TV channels have picked out some old sitcoms to replay in the space created by programmes that can’t now happen – they will certainly make some people laugh at them again. All of this will help keep us sane and in perspective, when everything else seems so serious and worrying.

And we can all play our part. We can actively choose to watch or listen to things that make us laugh. And we can tell others of the funny or absurd or silly things we’ve done or experienced while staying at home – I’ve done some, haven’t you?

I covered myself in dark green paint when I dropped the can and tried to catch it before it spilt, while painting the fence. It took ages to get it off my skin and there is still some on the clothes I was wearing. And I was glad there was no-one there to see me and I didn’t have to go out in public!

At the very least, we can smile at each other and say hello, even from two metres away! We don’t have to avoid emotional contact, only physical, so let’s spread more smiles, which are the beginning of laughter, when we are out for exercise or shopping.

We are living in absurd times – lets recognise the absurdity as well as the less positive aspects of it.

Find a reason to laugh today.

THE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED

Ways of Remembering, , ,

It’s strange times we live in. Being asked to stay at home except for essential trips, and to maintain social distancing are great reminders of the normal things we take for granted.

A minor example: my watch stopped working, and I would usually pop into town and get a new battery inserted – but the places that do that are closed. No one is having their hair trimmed or their nails done. There are no yoga classes or gyms –and yes, you can find replacements to do it remotely on-line, but it’s not the same.

And the biggest gap in our normality is all those casual relationships that we don’t even think of – the everyday human contact, with shop assistants, people in the street, the postman or delivery person, the other people at the gym or class. They are only brief exchanges, and we may not even know their name, but they enliven our days and often give us reason to smile.

We are biologically designed to interconnect with others – it is a basic human drive. The upturn in the use of zoom, facetime, skype etc. is an indicator of that. People are making a big effort to keep in touch with those they are close to. But these other relationships are also really important – I’m certainly missing them.

So maybe in future, when we are able to go about our normal daily business, we will take a little more time to appreciate the simple human interactions we take for granted: speak to the bank clerk, the shop assistant, the people who smile on the street, the refuse collectors, the delivery person. They all contribute to our well-being and our need to be connected, to have human contact.

(By the way, since I wrote this, I have had a house fire – and it means I have had to move in with my son and daughter-in-law until the repairs can be done. I now have a greater sympathy with those who are not in their own home with those things we take for granted – so please appreciate your own bed, your own chairs etc. They also contribute to our wellbeing and make our home our own place of peace and refuge – so love being with them during this period!)

KINDNESS IS THE WAY

Ways of Remembering,

We are all of us affected by what’s going on with Covid 19, and it is something which can bring out the worst in us. There is panic buying, flouting of the social distancing guidelines and other forms of selfish or mean behaviour. All of this is driven by fear – an understandable emotion right now.

However, fear, anxiety, stress, are the emotions that will make us more vulnerable to the infection, because they release chemicals into our bodies that suppress the immune system.

Kindness is the way, and there are more and more examples of kindness being reported:

  • People helping each other out
  • Strangers offering to help anyone who needs it in their community
  • Postmen who check that those they deliver to are OK
  • And the amazing response when the National Health Service in the UK asked for 250,00 volunteers, and got 405,00 in less than 24 hours.
  • Then there are those who are videoing concerts for people, or activities to occupy small children at home, or virtual classes for exercise – and the list goes on.

People the world over are showing their appreciation for those on the front line, continuing to maintain services, and the health workers who are caring for those who have caught the infection. And more and more people are coming up with creative ways to help each other out.

This is the best of human behaviour, and it is also a really good way to stay healthy. Kindness releases all the health-giving chemicals into our bodies, and helps us to build our immunity.

And kindness is also highly infectious! We see an example of kindness, or we experience someone being kind to us, and we get prompted to be kinder ourselves.

This time will change our societies. Let’s make sure it’s a change for the better, and spread the infection of kindness, to the point where it’s habitual rather than occasional. We can all do something: a phone call to a friend; a bit of food shopping for a self-isolating neighbour; a big smile and thank you to those who are working to deliver things to keep us going and to care for the vulnerable and sick.

Let’s infect as many as we can with kindness!!

CLEANING UP YOUR ACT

Ways of Remembering, ,

We so often launch into things without stopping to consider what our intention is. And that’s OK a lot of the time.

Sometimes, though, it is useful to stop for a moment. It is those situations where you are ambivalent that benefit from that moment’s thought – otherwise we may find that we get caught in our ambivalence and end up doing it badly or resentfully.

I know that there are times when I am unclear about why I’m dong something. It may be a task: am I doing this ironing because it’s piled up and I should, or because I want to clear it and I’m in the mood? Once I’ve identified my own contradictory thoughts about it, I can choose which version of my intention to follow – or to leave the task until I’m genuinely ready to approach it in a positive way.

Of course, the same applies to interactions with others. We’ve all had those times where we’ve arranged to meet someone and then, as the time got nearer, wished we hadn’t. If we go into that situation without cleaning up our intention, we will be half-hearted in our connection and both sides will be dissatisfied.

Unclean intentions always result in muddied communication – a little sharpness in the voice tone, a lacklustre response, a misunderstood comment – which in turn can lead easily into disagreement or disappointment.

This doesn’t mean that we have to always approach everything in a positive way – it just means we think about what will work best for us, what outcome we want from the situation, which thread of our possibilities to follow, so it’s not accidental.

Those few moments asking myself what outcome I intend from anything I engage in can make my life easier and more enjoyable – and that’s always my intention!!

TALKING STORY

Ways of Remembering,

In Hawaiian tradition, there is something beyond normal conversation. It is called talking story. It means creating a meaningful conversation with others by sharing stories from your life and their importance to you, or discussing things that really matter to you in a truthful and open way.

It is an exposure of aspects of who you really are, an intimate form of relating to others.

I love it – I have always preferred ‘big talk’, and this is big talk, with a built-in respect for each other’s points of view and differences.  When someone talks story with you, there is an understanding that their openness and honesty is received as a gift and the listener is non-judgemental, respectful and reciprocating, sharing their stories too.

During my recent visit to Maui, I was honoured in this way by Normand, a friend who lives there. He sat with me to talk story before dinner one evening, and chose to trust me with the stories of some very significant events in his life, ones that had changed his view of what life is about, and who we really are. The stories fascinated me, delighted me, moved me, and expanded my view of Normand to the fullness of what a lovely man he is – and I already thought he was lovely!

As I responded to his stories, so he took me further into them, showing me ‘treasures’ associated with them, and showing me his soul. It was genuinely heart connection: a sharing of our human-ness, our divinity, our uniqueness and our commonality.

This experience reminded me again that when we open our true selves to others, we share a richness that ordinary conversation just doesn’t give us. Talking story connects us to others in a loving, compassionate, honest way, and helps us to appreciate the wonder of human beings.

I received a gift beyond any price, and it will stay with me as a significant moment in my life, something to treasure. Thank you, Normand!

THE INTELLECT IS A GREAT SERVANT BUT A POOR MASTER

Ways of Remembering,

 I was blessed and cursed with a strong intellect. The blessing is that I am bright and can learn quickly, and I can usually find a good argument for almost anything. The curse is that it can lead me to ignore my intuition and my heart.

I have had to cultivate and consciously grow my awareness of my true emotions – my heart – and my inner knowing – my intuition. I did this over the years, not because I am clever but because my cleverness didn’t bring me a happy and contented life.

We may have the ability to be logical and analytical, and this can be very useful. We can ‘work things out’ and do the pro’s and con’s on situations. But this is only using one part of our brain – the conscious mind – and it is a small percentage of who we are.

When it comes down to it, our decisions are usually based on emotion, not logic, so we need to understand and allow our emotions, and listen to our intuition. A great example of this is finding a home. We work out what we need, what we afford, but our final choice is, more often than not, based on how we feel about places we look at. The intellect gives us some parameters, but it cannot calibrate our feelings, and they are what will lead us to a real home as opposed to just somewhere to live.

In fact, as the master of the situation, our intellect can often lead us to indecision, fear, or even paralysis. It can tie us up in knots with its ability to analyse the situation, and we can end up not acting at all to make any change.

So, cultivate your emotions, ask your heart not your mind, to make final decisions. We may have a bright mind, but we all have an even brighter intuition, and it is the gift that leads us into happier, more enjoyable lives.

20-20 VISION

Ways of Remembering, ,

Nobody knows yet what this year holds in store for us, so we have the opportunity to create at least our part of the vision of 2020.

I chose to call this 20-20 vision because it has the implication of perfect or ideal – and we all need to shoot for the stars in creating our story. If we aim to make things a bit better – or, even worse, not so bad – we are setting a very low bar. Better to set a high bar and not quite reach it – it’ll still be closer to that ideal.

So, the first question is: how do you want to be in 2020? This sets the tone for the other aspects of your creation of your story. Your answers will be descriptions of how you want to feel as you go thrugh the year. Examples might be: happy; healthy; calm; active; kind.

Then we can go on to the next question: what can you do to help yourself to be like that? Notice that this question emphasises the actions you can take for yourself. If the way you want to be depends on external influences, such as other people, or a good job, or a change of government, you will have already made yourself a victim of circumstance, rather than the creator of your own story.

I think it is useful to look at the different aspects of yourself in this next set of answers. Firstly, what can you do to help your mind stay in a positive, constructive attitude? Then, what can you do to help your body feel good? And finally, what can you do to keep your spirits good – ways of feeding your soul?

At this point it is useful to consider how others can help you to help yourself. Not depending on others actions doesn’t mean we have to do it all by ourselves.  We can ask for practical and/or moral support from others. Examples might be finding a ‘buddy’ to do some physical activity with, or asking a friend or partner to encourage you by noticing when you’ve done well in your intentions.

All of this is about making your everyday life closer to the story you want to have, because that’s what makes the most difference to how we feel. A wish list is all very well, but it’s every day that we create the story of our lies most consistently.

So come on, set a 2020 vision for yourself and decide to make it a good year for you, no matter what happens!

GIFTS WE ARE GIVEN

Ways of Remembering

At this time of year, everyone seems to be thinking about Christmas gifts. Today I am thinking about the real gifts we are offered, should we choose to take them.

My beloved teacher, and latterly friend and soul brother, Ram Dass died yesterday. I am sad that I will never see him in the flesh again, but glad that he is freed from the constraints of his body and his soul is soaring.

He lives in my heart and in my way of being in the world, as he does for many others, because he showered us with gifts. These are the most valuable gifts we are given: the example of how to live life well, how to care for others, how to be compassionate, how to be a real human being and not pretend. Above all he showed every day in every way how to love.

Ram Dass was a storyteller, using stories from his life to remind us of the necessary fallibility of being human, and the possibility of truly loving without prejudice. He was also a constant living example of what that means in practice.

I remember one time he told me that he loved his mug of tea, his wheelchair, and me. I laughed and said I didn’t think I could love a mug as much as him – and he said, ‘And when you do, you will really have got love. It is universal, not particular.’

He was a teacher who had a great sense of humour – he loved teasing and being teased, and enjoyed the thought of being a rascal. Life was too important to be taken seriously, to paraphrase a friend of his! It was fun to be around him and he appreciated those who would laugh with him.

And above all he was a human being – being here and now, always present with you, with whatever was going on. He taught me so much about how to be, and that will live on, in me, in others. I don’t need any other gifts – thank you, my beloved Ram Dass…